IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people usually appreciate others according to social status or material possessions and they think ol-fashioned values include honor, kindness, trust are not important in the digital era.

#people #status #possessions #values #honor #kindness #trust #era
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In the present day, some
people
 usually appreciate others
according to
 social status or material possessions and they think
ol-fashioned
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
 values
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness,
trust
Correct word choice
and trust
show examples
 are not important in the digital era. I will give my own opinion in the below paragraphs. On the one hand,
people
 nowadays are more dependent on social networks so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
also
 judge others from their
profile
Fix the agreement mistake
profiles
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media
such
 as pictures they upload or some quotes. From that, they will focus on their famous social status to treat them in
real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
show examples
 and
also
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social networks.
Therefore
, more and more
people
 nowadays are living virtual lives in society just wanting to be more famous and have judged others.
This
 can lead to more drawbacks
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals in the future.
On the other hand
, I believe that it is not good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 to appreciate
people
.
Firstly
, when
appreciated
Wrong verb form
appreciate
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 according
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social networks they cannot know what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can lie
Change preposition
to them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
also
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
appropriation
Add an article
the appropriation
show examples
 of poverty of them from social.
Secondly
,
people
 who respect
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness and
trust
 in love will not
trust
people
 and
also
 disbelieve in love will lead to
decline
Add an article
a decline
show examples
 in the rate of marriage and
lead to
Verb problem
an
show examples
 increase in the rate of older workers in the future. In conclusion,
used
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 social is can give more benefit
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
,
however
, they cannot judge
people
 in social situations
while
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
seem
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some other values
such
 as
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness or
trust
 in someone can
be give
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 more cons
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
.
Submitted by document.hanie on

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task response
Ensure clarity and depth in your argumentation. Your points should be more comprehensively explained and supported with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and connect smoothly to the next. Adding transitional phrases can help.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to your introduction and conclusion. They should clearly state your position and summarize your main points effectively.
task response
Minimize grammatical errors and refine sentence structures for better readability.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which shows good organization.
task response
You tackled a relevant and contemporary issue, which is a positive aspect.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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