Many manufacturered food and drink products contain high lever of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
In these
days, Change preposition
These
obesity
Correct article usage
the obesity
phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
became
a very serious Wrong verb form
has become
socity
Correct your spelling
social
obsticle
, Correct your spelling
obstacle
one
of the main causes is sugary Correct word choice
and one
products
. So, some argue that the
sugary consumables must be very expensive, Correct article usage
apply
while
others believe that the main soultion
Correct your spelling
solution
for
Change preposition
to
this
problem is found in the
consumer Correct article usage
apply
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
This
essay will discuss both views and will draw my personal conclusion.
On the first
hand, Correct word choice
other
people
who have the idea that raising the price of the
Correct article usage
apply
products
which is rich with
sugar is the perfect Change preposition
in
soultuion
for Correct your spelling
solution
the
fat Correct article usage
apply
people
to become healthy, thinking
that if they make the factories grow the dollar bills, they can control the Wrong verb form
think
people
behavior, leading them to other alternative healthy products
. So, for that significant reason
they believe that it is the best way Add a comma
reason,
possibe
for Correct your spelling
possible
this
issue.
On the second
hand, Correct word choice
other
people
who argue that there is
better functional ways to solve Change the verb form
are
this
trouble, increasing the prices can lead to more financial benifits
for the manufacturing companies, Correct your spelling
benefits
moreover
, people
with high wieght
Correct your spelling
weight
well
still continue to consume these Correct your spelling
will
products
, furthermore
, they are addicted to it. For that particular cause the belive
that the solution does not fall on Correct your spelling
they believe
this
concept.
In addition
, if humanity
attitude did not change from their inside raisin the price Change noun form
humanity's
will
not be a trouble for them, they Wrong verb form
would
will
still keep eating and drinking these Wrong verb form
would
eatbles
. For Correct your spelling
eatables
an
instance, 75% of individuals who face Correct article usage
apply
obisity
Correct your spelling
obesity
mobility
issue
, do not face financial problems. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
This
proves clearly that the alteration must be from the attitude not
the Add the comma(s)
, not
mony
bills.
Eventually, after a Correct your spelling
money
carful
analysis of both Correct your spelling
careful
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
Change preposition
of views
views
, I Fix the agreement mistake
view
belive
that if there is any modification, it must be how Correct your spelling
believe
people
think, there you will find the cure for this
obsticle
.Correct your spelling
obstacle
Submitted by farissaadksa on
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task achievement
Proofread carefully for spelling errors (e.g., 'phenomenom', 'socity', 'obsticle', etc.) and grammatical errors (e.g., 'in these days' should be 'nowadays').
task achievement
Develop each main point with more detailed supporting arguments and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and demonstrate language proficiency.
task achievement
The essay presents both perspectives on the issue and offers a clear personal opinion in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the essay by outlining the two main perspectives that will be discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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