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Band 2.5

The picture illustrates the data about the amount of guests who traveled 4 various genres of travel industries between 1981 and 1999 in the UK.

#picture #data #amount #guests #genres #travel #industries #uk
The picture illustrates the data about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of guests who
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
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4
Change preposition
to 4
show examples
various genres of travel industries between 1981 and 1999 in the UK.
Overall
, we can see the distribution of visiting exhibitions was the highest in both 2 years.
By contrast
, animal accommodations showed the smallest rate compared to the previous.
As well as
 can be seen from the chart, in 1981 museums and galleries were the places that accounted for approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half amount of tourists,
consequently
, being the highest proportion.
Therefore
, the number of visitors who went to theme parks, claimed
for
Change preposition
apply
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the second highest rate in 1981, about 32%.
Besides
, historic houses and
also
Rephrase
apply
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monuments had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rate less than 2 times compared to the previous.
In addition
 to these buildings were wildlife zoos, which had the smallest percentage of contribution, about only 4%.
Additionally
, in 1999, the exhibitions section still showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 first-rate percentage,
by contrast
, reducing by a tiny margin, about 10%.
Furthermore
, the number of theme parks
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
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% rather than the 1981 version,
consequently
, still claiming second place.
Finally
,
while
 historical buildings remained unchanged, wildlife zoos have
rose
Change the verb form
risen
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 in guests, achieving 9%.
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task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with relevant and specific data from the chart.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear topic and should follow logically from the previous ones.
coherence cohesion
Even though you provided an overview and described key details, it’s important to summarize the main trends more clearly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas and sentences clearer to improve overall comprehensibility.
task achievement
The essay provides a general overview and includes relevant details.
coherence cohesion
You made a good effort in structuring the essay into paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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