Some people think individuals are more and more dependent on each other. Some people think individuals are more and more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Today
people
are dependent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
other's
whereas
some
people
they
dont
Correct your spelling
not
dependent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
,In respectives individuals
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
more
indepentally
Correct your spelling
independently
and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would support my
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rgement
Correct your spelling
argument
. There is a group of folks who believe
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
people
can
depened
Correct your spelling
depend
fo
others's
Change the noun form
others
show examples
in many ways in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Thus
wae
Correct your spelling
we
show examples
can
fined
Correct your spelling
find
show examples
especially in poor countries ,for stance Africa the
puuplic
Correct your spelling
people
help
ech
Correct your spelling
each
other
in built
Change preposition
by building
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homes and
dailay
Correct your spelling
daily
service
.becuase
Correct your spelling
because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
still
liveing
Correct your spelling
live
with simp;e tools and helpier very important ,Moreove , the customs and
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
habites
Correct your spelling
habits
angaging
Correct your spelling
encourage
them to courage .
on the other hand
, there are
Add an article
a
show examples
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
show examples
of
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have
another idea
Fix the agreement mistake
other ideas
show examples
around
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
discussion
specifice
Correct your spelling
specific
the modern eras ,where citizens
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have a lot of rules in society which can follow
bit
Add an article
a bit
show examples
.,Another reason is
develop
Change the verb form
to develop
developing
show examples
of life in the cities is very high ,
for example
,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
if he needs any service
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can only call it .
Furthermore
,
Add an article
a neighbour
show examples
neighbour
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbours
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
didnt
Correct your spelling
didn't
knew
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
each
other's
Unnecessary verb
other
show examples
so the chance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
dependent
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
littel
Correct your spelling
little
. In
concluison
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, personly
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree with
Correct article usage
the seconed
show examples
seconed
Correct your spelling
second
opinion we can
seen
Change the verb form
see
show examples
that in many societies
people
dont
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, subsequence , there is no
conection
Correct your spelling
connection
to depened for
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
.
Submitted by remalkhamis891 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have made a good attempt to address both sides of the discussion, which is essential for a balanced essay. However, to strengthen your task achievement, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear, but the coherence and cohesion could be improved. Ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that you use linking words and phrases effectively to connect your ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion to make them stronger. Your introduction should clearly present the topic and outline the main points you will discuss. The conclusion should summarize the main arguments and restate your position.
language issues
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling to ensure that your ideas are clearly communicated. Proofreading your work before submission can help identify and correct these errors.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which are essential components of a well-structured essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an interesting topic, showing engagement with the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: