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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

#people #meat
Since the rise of vegetarianism, some
people
 claim that eating animal-based food is unacceptable. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of consuming
meat
 and plant-based food. I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of eating
meat
. On the one hand,
meat
 contains a lot of important
nutritions
Replace the word
nutrients
show examples
 which are necessary for the growth of muscles and strengthening bones.
For example
, research shows that children who get meals with
meat
 grow faster than vegetarian children.
Moreover
, the amount of different recipes exploded in the
last
 few years as well.
People
 are able to experiment with a variety of spices to put together a tasty meal with a well-flavoured piece of
meat
 to get the needed
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
.
Conversely
, the vegetarian options grew at the same time.
For example
, plant-based ‘
meat
’ has been a spectacular development which made a lot of
people
 rethink including
meat
 in their routine.
Furthermore
, since the vegetarian options became big, the vegetarian population grew correspondingly.
Nevertheless
, plant-based products carry a high price tag.
However
, the prices of
meat
 experienced a rise in the
last
 decade which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
 more conscious when they buy food for dinner. In conclusion, a vegetarian lifestyle is becoming more popular
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think the
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
 in
meat
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 important for the development of the human body. I agree with a balanced lifestyle consuming both animal-based and plant-based products.
Submitted by maria.vanwell on

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task achievement
To improve clarity, you could directly address the question of whether eating meat is completely wrong, rather than just comparing meat and vegetarian diets.
task achievement
Make sure examples are specific and relevant to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could include more detailed studies or statistics about the benefits and drawbacks of meat consumption.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly by using more transition words and phrases to connect ideas. This will enhance the logical structure and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your conclusion to reinforce your main points and directly relate back to the question asked.
coherence cohesion
You have clearly structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear, and you present both sides of the discussion.
task achievement
You provided some examples to support your points, helping to illustrate your arguments.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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