All parent want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child’s future

This
debates
Correct subject-verb agreement
debate
show examples
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
today's curriculum needs to enrich real-life
skills
or not has several serious arguments from opposite angles. Some people claim that
children
should learn more
theoretic
Replace the word
theoretical
show examples
knowledge in school,
while
I believe gaining some
skills
is more facilitative for
children
's
future
. It is undeniable that parents are increasingly concerned with a
future
professional career and the current educational path for their
children
,
due to
some people's demand to add more subjects to school programs. One of the essential reasons for
this
opinion is that labour market requests have a rising trend in
a
Correct article usage
the
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professional field.
For example
, today's employee has to know the usage of artificial intelligence in their field if they want to occupy a prestige position and guarantee their job which is why
this
demand has not appeared until about past 2 years.
In addition
,
children
have had habits with the internet and the virtual world in the early period of their lives, distinctly today's adults, and they have a more extended capacity for learning contemporary knowledge.
Nevertheless
, the arguments above are advisable, there are several satisfactory facts that it is better to teach
children
useful
skills
.
Firstly
,
children
have less time for their hobbies and rest nowadays, the reason for learning more theoretical knowledge in school is that
this
reality results in more attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity among
children
.
Secondly
, it is
scientific
Correct article usage
a scientific
show examples
fact
games
Correct word choice
that games
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and physical activity play a leading role
for
Change preposition
in
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brain development
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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we can encourage
this
by adding some real-life
skills
to the curriculum. Japon is one example of a country that has taken
this
action: Pupils clean classes themselves. By
such
primitive habit, Japanese teach pupils discipline and labour which are both
skills
that are vital for success in
future
life. In conclusion, it is true that for
future
success
children
need to learn more subjects, but it is more important to integrate valuable
skills
into the curriculum for a balanced life between mental and bodily health and a brilliant career path.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, it's important to maintain balance and clarity throughout. The introduction briefly mentions the debate but could be clearer in outlining the main arguments you will make. Aim for a clear thesis statement that sets up your argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your essay has a logical structure. Some arguments, like the discussion of AI and internet habits, can be more tightly connected to the central claim. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for minor language errors and awkward phrasing as these can disrupt the flow of your essay. For example, 'distinctly today's adults' could be clearer if phrased as 'unlike today's adults.' Reading your essay out loud can help catch and correct these issues.
task achievement
Try to clarify and develop your main points further, for instance, the paragraph on Japanese schools is a valuable example but could be expanded to explain more thoroughly how it relates to both skill development and theoretical learning.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively discusses both viewpoints. The use of specific examples, such as Japanese schools and the need for knowledge about AI, enriches your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints and provides a thoughtful perspective on the subject, emphasizing a balanced approach between skill development and theoretical learning.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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