Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems.
In recent years,
the
Correct article usage
apply
films
with the
Correct article usage
apply
scenario
of horror and hostility Fix the agreement mistake
scenarios
are
Verb problem
have
dominating
in movie and art industry and main part of individuals Wrong verb form
dominated
concern
that it has Wrong verb form
are concerned
negative
impact on society. Add an article
a negative
This
essay will illustrate the problems related with
Change preposition
to
the
violence and explain what measures must be taken Correct article usage
apply
for
diminish its effect on youngsters.
Nowadays, young individuals and adults are willing to watch horror Change preposition
to
films
which are very fascinating with their graphic design and photography. First of all, young
generation Correct article usage
the young
want
to prove their growth and to display their surroundings by watching Change the verb form
wants
such
movies
. But the violent films
are becoming standard and normal to the members of society as the effects of violence have been noticed in their social activities and behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Moreover
, children and especially school members are trying to handle the
Correct article usage
apply
gun
and Fix the agreement mistake
guns
to
influence their peers in Fix the infinitive
apply
education
system which Add an article
the education
an education
concluded
with tragedies.
In order to mitigate Wrong verb form
concludes
such
issues, several actions should be taken by families as well as
the officials. Firstly
, the government should not invest to
the business of Change preposition
in
such
films
and moreover
it should Add a comma
moreover,
be banned to
teenagers Wrong verb form
ban
to watch
Change preposition
from watching
such
movies
in cinema
and public places. Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
Furthermore
, the parents with the help of schools have to organize trainings
and meetings with young individuals about the negative effects of these Change the wording
training
pieces of training
films
and in the media there should be age
limit against Correct article usage
an age
such
movies
.
To sum up
, it is evident that the
aggressive videos and scenes are increasing in recent Correct article usage
apply
movies
and the solution is to create strict
control system by the government Correct article usage
a strict
as well as
utmost
Correct article usage
the utmost
important
support by parents will diminish its negative influence.
(S.N)Correct word choice
apply
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introduction
The introduction sets the context but can be improved for clarity. For instance, instead of 'films with the scenario of horror and hostility,' it might be clearer to state, 'films that portray high levels of violence.' Ensure the introduction clearly states your intent to discuss both the problems and potential solutions.
paragraph structure
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. For example, in the second paragraph, a clearer topic sentence could be, 'Young adults and teenagers are increasingly drawn to violent films, which can have adverse effects on their behavior.'
support examples
The essay lacks specific examples to illustrate points. For instance, when mentioning 'young generation want to prove their growth,' an example or study reference can strengthen the point. Including real-life examples, statistics, or studies can make arguments more compelling.
cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider adding more linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas. Phrases like 'in addition,' 'however,' 'thus,' and 'as a result' can improve the flow of the essay.
clear task identification
The essay clearly identifies a problem (violence in films) and provides potential solutions, which aligns well with the task requirement.
conclusion effectiveness
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the essay's argument.
task understanding
The essay addresses both the causes of the problem and the measures to mitigate it, showing a good understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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