IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In some nations, individuals tend to use Western-style attire
instead
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 of traditional dress. In my opinion,
this
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a
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is a
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result of globalization and
this
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 change ends in reducing the importance of cultural heritage which is a huge demerit. Nowadays, men and women are fond of fashionable items especially when it comes to clothing.
This
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 clearly states the effects of global change. In the past centuries, consumers were limited to
clothes
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 that they either made by themselves by knitting or buying from local shops. In recent days, buyers can get products from any part of the world through
Internet
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the Internet
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.
Additionally
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, numerous Western
clothes
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 are comfortable and they add value to individuals.
However
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, these habits spread across the nation particularly because of social media.
For example
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, modern members of
public
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the public
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 are influenced by Western culture through advertisements. In my opinion, western fashion eradicates the traditional manner of dressing that has been followed for many years. Even though Western wear is
cozy
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cosy
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, traditional wear has its own identity. I
also
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 believe that
,
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apply
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 the remuneration of workers who are involved in the making of cultural
clothes
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 is being affected by
this
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 change.
Moreover
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, the companies that have the most power in terms of profit are the
western
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Western
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clothes
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 manufacturers when compared to traditional
clothes
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 producers. Members of society should give importance to traditional attire to support local manufacturers and to know their culture that has been passed on for generations,
For example
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, people prefer using western clothing brands like Nike and Puma rather than native brands.
To conclude
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, wearing Western clothing is a result of the spread of consumerism and individuals should be more concerned about their tradition with respect to clothing.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow logically and are connected with appropriate linking words. At times, your points can feel a bit disjointed.
task achievement
Develop your points further with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. This will also help to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing a stronger conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and gives a clear final opinion. This will make your essay feel more complete.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and discusses the reasons behind the shift to Western clothing as well as the impacts of this change. This shows a clear understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
You have a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing your ideas.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples, such as the influence of social media and the popularity of brands like Nike and Puma, which help to illustrate your points.
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