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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should start at a very early age. But others believe that should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Joining
school
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 at a very young
age
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 is a very common thing during
this
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time
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.Some people support
this
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 action
while
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 others don't.I think
children
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 should start going to
school
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 when they are old enough. Some people think, If a child starts going to
school
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 at a very small
age
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. He or she will start learning skills that other
children
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 do not know when they are young. like they can start reading and writing a language before they turn into a grown person.
For example
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,I was very young when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 started going to
school
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. I started reading and writing English at a very small
age
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while
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 other
children
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 in my family did not know how to read and write English. It was just because
i
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I
show examples
 started going to
school
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 at a young
age
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.
According to
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 some communities, a youngster will start going to college at a small
age
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. He will move away from his family and he will not be able to spend enough
time
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 with his or her family.He will not be able to join family functions and other family events because these things will disturb his or her studies.
For instance
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,I joined the
school
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 at a very young
age
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. I always feel like I am very far away from my family especially from my parents because I used to spend most of my
time
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 doing my homework and preparing for my tests. I
also
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 missed the wedding of my uncle because during that
time
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 it was my exam so
i
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I
show examples
 was preparing myself for my exam. In conclusion, My opinion regarding joining
school
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 is that
children
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 should join
school
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 until they are older.
Although
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, there are advantages of joining
school
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 early but disadvantages of joining
school
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 at a young
age
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 outweigh the advantages.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more balanced argument for both views, giving them equal weight before presenting your own opinion. This will make your essay appear more comprehensive and unbiased.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear and logically connected paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on the consistent use of punctuation and avoiding run-on sentences to improve readability.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of points to enhance the clarity and succinctness of your ideas.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples that support your points about the advantages and disadvantages of children starting school at an early age.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay well.
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