Some people think that Zoo's are all cruel and should be closed down. Others, however believe that zoo can be useful in protecting wild animals. discuss both views and give your opinion.
The speaking
about Correct article usage
Speaking
this
topic is a
controversial , some folks believe it is useful Change the article
apply
while
other
say not, in Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
essay, I shall elaborate on , also
I shall reveal my point of view Change preposition
on
according
Add the preposition
according to
this
topic.
To begin
with, the notion of presence
Correct article usage
a presence
Zoo
, inside the city may form a dangerous place , hence
, the wild animal
there may run away from the cage Fix the agreement mistake
animals
,
Correct word choice
and, consequently
consequently
, will
threaten the people and Verb problem
apply
child
who are in it.
Fix the agreement mistake
children
Secondly
, according to
the freedom concept, this
prisoned creature had modified to live in the jungles , furthermore
, they prevented
from their desire Add a missing verb
were prevented
in hunting
, Change preposition
to hunt
thus
, may stimulate the fury and brutality inside them. For example
: in
10 years ago the news announced that a lion inside the cage cut the baby girl off Change preposition
apply
while
she was feeding the lion.
Additionally
, numerous of
people have a panic attack from Change preposition
apply
the
wild Correct article usage
apply
animals
as a result
, they don't prefer the idea of presence
Correct pronoun usage
their presence
them
.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, it is clear that
to
say Verb problem
apply
Zoo
is an entertainment place ; therefore
, human kind
use it as a land of recreation with their families Correct your spelling
humankind
as a result
, to enable their children to see the animals
and recognize them. As well as
,
they enjoy with time Remove the comma
apply
moreover
, they also
can discover how is the animal behaviour. Like how the monkey jumping
, and the lion Replace the word
jumps
roar
, etc.
Fix the agreement mistake
roars
According to
my opinion, I wholeheartedly concur with the concept of presence
Correct article usage
the presence
Zoo especially
, Rephrase
zoo
with
Rephrase
especially with
the
full security and a Correct article usage
apply
save
distance between the visitors and the wild Replace the word
safe
animals
thus
, decreases
the risk and Wrong verb form
thus decreasing
forbidden
it.
In a nutshell, Wrong verb form
forbidding
this
topic has a controversial issue, some folks proponent the idea of presence
Correct article usage
a presence
Zoo
. while
other opponent
to it, Change the wording
another opponent
other opponents
hence
, it has a
Correct article usage
apply
pron
and cons. And Correct your spelling
pros
overall
, it should be secured
enough to protect the lives of people Replace the word
secure
as well as
animals
.Submitted by sarah.baghdad20 on
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task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments with more detailed examples and supporting points.
task achievement
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a consistent use of tenses throughout the essay to maintain coherence.
task achievement
You have provided a well-rounded discussion of both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have presented logical main points that contribute to the essay’s structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.