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Band 4

With the advances in science and technology, people from different ends of the world can communicate with each other. What is your opinion on the impact of technologies on our lives? Do you think that these advances only result in positive outcomes?

#advances #science #technology #people #ends #world #impact #technologies #lives #outcomes
These days all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
ues
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use
the
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apply
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technology for
eveything
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everything
. So , some
peope
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people
 think that
importanat
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important
 in our life ,
While
others
 believe that will
get
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 drawback issues .
This
 essay will discuss both sides and
eill
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will
 draw my personal opinion .
In
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand , some people shown
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 technology is very important in our life
to
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for
show examples
 many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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First of all , they can talk with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
with
Change preposition
through
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the
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apply
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multiple methods without get any
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
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For example
 , mobile phone
the
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apply
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others
 can
to
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apply
show examples
talk to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.
secondly
 ,
there
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they
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 can have
chat
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a chat
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 and video call any time if
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 would .
Thirdly
 , Even if parents travel
in
Change preposition
to
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a
Remove the article
apply
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any country they can communicate with
kids
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their kids
show examples
althought
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through
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or
computer
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computers
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they have more methods for
connact
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contact
connect
.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the
sutday
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study
Sunday
 become easily more than before .
On the other hand
 , some people think that brings
the
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apply
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problems
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 why
there
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they are
show examples
 against developments with
the
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apply
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communicate
Replace the word
communication
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there
fore
Correct your spelling
for
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 some kids maybe will they have
drawbaks
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drawbacks
 problems and they can not control
with
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apply
show examples
this
 .
Moreover
 ,
that is
 why the
maind
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mind
main
 had
a
Remove the article
apply
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damage , beside use the devices
overall
 not healthy for our bodies and the mind will be
trun
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turned
 off and a total
deoendence
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dependence
dependency
 on the
elctricals
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electricals
electrical
. In
concluison
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conclusion
, after
anaylsis
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analysis
 of
bith
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both
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
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of veiw
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veiw
Correct your spelling
view
, I believe that technology and
Iagree
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I agree
it
Change preposition
with it
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 because it
have
Change the verb form
has
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 many benefits in our life .
Submitted by shougaldhafere on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, aim for a clear outline before writing. This ensures each idea transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction outlines the key points you will discuss, and make sure your conclusion summarizes these points effectively.
task achievement
Support each point with well-developed examples. For instance, mention specific ways technology has improved education or healthcare.
task achievement
Review grammar and spelling more thoroughly to avoid simple errors that could detract from the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is concise and states the writer's opinion clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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