IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There are people who have
a
Correct article usage
the
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 perspective that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can convince others to purchase goods that are not required.
While
Linking Words
 others are of the idea that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 make us aware of the new
items
Use synonyms
 available in the market. I believe
advertisements
Use synonyms
 motivate customers to purchase unwanted
items
Use synonyms
. First of all, there are irresistible reasons why
advertisements
Use synonyms
 encourage people to secure unrequired
items
Use synonyms
. As you can notice, multinational companies create meticulous ads to attract customers to buy their products.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 many fast food joints like
for example
Linking Words
 Mc Donalds, Burger King, and KFC provide children with toys or playrooms to sell their kid's meals.
Moreover
Linking Words
, plenty of ad campaigns are promoted across different TV channels, Social Media, TikTok, the Internet and more to attract customer's attention to purchase products that are of no use to them.
However
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, there are some good sides to
advertisements
Use synonyms
. The main reason is that it brings a sense of awareness to customers about new products. There are certain situations where information given in
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can benefit people in their daily lives.
For example
Linking Words
, when normal consumers are made aware of a new brand of the same
items
Use synonyms
 they have been using for years is available at a better price.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that advertising lures us to buy unwanted
items
Use synonyms
 through
advertisements
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
and
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many campaigns across various channels. On the bright side,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can be informative and influence the pricing of goods.

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task achievement
Ensure you provide a clear and strong thesis statement in your introduction, outlining your main argument or stance more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Try to make transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother. Use phrases such as 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'On the other hand,' to improve the flow.
task achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments, especially in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating clearer topic sentences that succinctly state the main point of each paragraph before elaborating on it.
task achievement
The essay provides arguments from both perspectives, showing a balanced view before giving a personal opinion which is clear.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and relate well to the main content of the essay, making it easy to follow the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task and stays relevant to the topic throughout, ensuring the central question is answered.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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