Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are two Schools of thought regarding cultural
traditions
. While
some argue that cultural traditions
might be deteriorated
when it is used as a tourist industry, others suggest that Change to the active voice
deteriorate
have deteriorated
this
is an attempt to preserve these traditions
, which sounds more valid to me.
On the one hand, it can be true that cultural traditions
can be damaged if it used as a lucrative activity. The reason is local people might be tend
to copy the tourists’ behaviour and forget about their culture. Change the verb form
tend
For example
, Istanbul city in Turkey has a lot of tourists but this
mass of travellers cause
some changes in peoples’ costumes Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
such
as trousers and jeans. Today locals tend to wear shorts and casual instead
of formal clothes. Additionally
, governments try to redesign buildings and historical constructions in order to more attractive and eye-catching appearances, resulting in the loss of traditions
and cultures.
On the other hand
, obviously, the main instruction to retain monuments and cultures is to make money from tourists. This
way helps to
governments to keep Change preposition
apply
traditions
alive by
income Change preposition
through
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
receive
from visitors. Wrong verb form
received
For instance
, there are a lot of museums in France that attract many travelers
around the world. These museums have entrance Change the spelling
travellers
fee
which helps Fix the agreement mistake
fees
to
Change preposition
apply
the
France’s government Remove the article
apply
to
retain their Verb problem
apply
traditions
by profit
from tourists. Wrong verb form
profiting
Moreover
, governments can build some stores that sell souvenirs that are related to history
of the country, Add an article
the history
due to
make profit
and try to keep Add an article
a profit
tradition
alive.
In conclusion, the heritage of communities can be lost by foreign people in many ways but every tradition needs to be protected by some instructions and the best way is financial support by travellers.Add an article
the tradition
Submitted by arminafkhami on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develop it fully. This will help in maintaining a logical structure.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by adding more specific examples and details. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Clarify the introduction by presenting the thesis statement more succinctly without using ambiguous phrases such as 'which sounds more valid to me.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and are contextually appropriate.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide specific examples, such as the case of Istanbul and France, which add value to your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?