IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

A lot of people in college are doing academic study. We should encourage them to do a vocational course. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, most
students
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 have been engaged in academic
study
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.
However
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, many believe we should focus more on vocational
courses
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.
Although
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 academic
study
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 provides a fundamental knowledge base, I firmly believe that vocational
courses
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 are the best way to concentrate on an individual's profession. Vocational education gives
students
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 a chance to specialize in specific trades or professions. They often provide special knowledge and experience in their chosen field.
As a result
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, it can lead to higher job satisfaction and career success and will be able to rehearse all of these acquired skills
on
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in
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 their future career.
In addition
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, vocational
courses
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 help to eliminate unuseful and unrelated
subjects
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 and allow
students
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 to concentrate on what they have
intention
Add an article
the intention
an intention
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 to
study
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 with pleasure.
As vocational
Correct word choice
Vocational
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courses
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 are related to training and practice, which is crucial for occupations
such
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 as medicine, where specific
subjects
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 are important.
On the other hand
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, academic studies
is
Change the verb form
are
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 construed as
a basic knowledge
Remove the article
basic knowledge
a piece of basic knowledge
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, and college
students
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 have to
study
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 them
while
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 they have enough time for that. Academic
study
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 provides education with various
subjects
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, giving
students
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 an understanding of multiple files.
Nevertheless
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, college
students
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 will be able to find a solution from different perspectives and support them to choose a suitable job
according to
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 their interests. It concentrated on two
subjects
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, like history and social science, which maintain
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
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different
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of different
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 perspectives without problems, as one day they will be significant in their life. In conclusion,
while
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 academic
study
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 offers a range of opportunities for college
students
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, I am sure that mostly engaging in vocational
courses
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 allows them to focus on more specific and
career-needable
Correct your spelling
career-needle
career-need able
subjects
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.

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task achievement
To improve task response, provide more specific examples to support your points. Currently, the essay lacks concrete evidence that illustrates the benefits of vocational courses over academic study.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. For instance, use linking words to show the relationship between ideas in different paragraphs.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your argument, which is excellent.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your main points are generally well-supported and clear, which makes your argument persuasive.
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