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Band 5.5

The topic is to describe the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment statuses based on the provided bar chart. The chart categorizes leisure time by full-time employment, part-time employment, unemployment, retirement, and housewives for the years 1998-1999. The task is to write a report for a university lecturer, summarizing the information shown in the chart in at least 150 words.

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The bar chart illustrates the average weekly
leisure
time
 enjoyed by
men
 and
women
 across different employment statuses during the years 1998-1999. The
categories
 include full-
time
 employed, part-
time
 employed, unemployed, retired, and housewives.
Overall
, it is evident that
men
 generally had more
leisure
time
 than
women
 in most
categories
, with the exception of part-
time
 employment and housewives, where data for
men
 is either absent or negligible. In detail, full-
time
 employed
men
 enjoyed around 50
hours
 of
leisure
time
 per week,
while
 their female counterparts had approximately 38
hours
.
This
 trend of
men
 having more
leisure
time
 continues in the
categories
 of unemployed and retired individuals. Unemployed
men
 had the highest
leisure
time
 at nearly 85
hours
 per week, compared to unemployed
women
 who had about 78
hours
.
Similarly
, retired
men
 enjoyed around 82
hours
,
whereas
 retired
women
 had slightly less at 78
hours
. For part-
time
 employed individuals, the chart shows only data for
women
, who had approximately 40
hours
 of
leisure
time
 per week. Housewives, another category exclusive to
women
, had around 50
hours
 of
leisure
time
 weekly. In summary, the chart reveals a clear gender disparity in
leisure
time
, with
men
 generally enjoying more free
time
 than
women
, except in
categories
 exclusive to
women
.
This
 could be attributed to societal roles and employment patterns prevalent during the period studied.
Submitted by bellovanina97 on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more robust conclusion that not only summarizes but also interprets the findings in a broader context. Try to include some implications or insights about the data presented.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally clear, consider varying your sentence structure a bit more to enhance readability and engagement. Transition words can also be used more effectively to ensure that your points flow seamlessly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and clearly sets up what the reader is about to see. This helps in understanding the context straight away.
relevant specific examples
You have made good use of the data from the chart and provided specific figures, which helps in making your points clear and supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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