IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The topic is to describe the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment statuses based on the provided bar chart. The chart categorizes leisure time by full-time employment, part-time employment, unemployment, retirement, and housewives for the years 1998-1999. The task is to write a report for a university lecturer, summarizing the information shown in the chart in at least 150 words.

#topic #amount #leisure #time #men #women #employment #statuses #bar #categorizes #unemployment #retirement #housewives #years #report #university #lecturer #information
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The bar chart illustrates the average weekly
leisure
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time
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 enjoyed by
men
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 and
women
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 across different employment statuses during the years 1998-1999. The
categories
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 include full-
time
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 employed, part-
time
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 employed, unemployed, retired, and housewives.
Overall
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, it is evident that
men
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 generally had more
leisure
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time
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 than
women
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 in most
categories
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, with the exception of part-
time
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 employment and housewives, where data for
men
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 is either absent or negligible. In detail, full-
time
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 employed
men
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 enjoyed around 50
hours
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 of
leisure
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time
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 per week,
while
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 their female counterparts had approximately 38
hours
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.
This
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 trend of
men
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 having more
leisure
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time
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 continues in the
categories
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 of unemployed and retired individuals. Unemployed
men
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 had the highest
leisure
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time
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 at nearly 85
hours
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 per week, compared to unemployed
women
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 who had about 78
hours
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.
Similarly
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, retired
men
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 enjoyed around 82
hours
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,
whereas
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 retired
women
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 had slightly less at 78
hours
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. For part-
time
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 employed individuals, the chart shows only data for
women
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, who had approximately 40
hours
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 of
leisure
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time
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 per week. Housewives, another category exclusive to
women
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, had around 50
hours
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 of
leisure
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time
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 weekly. In summary, the chart reveals a clear gender disparity in
leisure
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time
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, with
men
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 generally enjoying more free
time
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 than
women
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, except in
categories
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 exclusive to
women
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.
This
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 could be attributed to societal roles and employment patterns prevalent during the period studied.
Submitted by bellovanina97 on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more robust conclusion that not only summarizes but also interprets the findings in a broader context. Try to include some implications or insights about the data presented.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally clear, consider varying your sentence structure a bit more to enhance readability and engagement. Transition words can also be used more effectively to ensure that your points flow seamlessly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong and clearly sets up what the reader is about to see. This helps in understanding the context straight away.
relevant specific examples
You have made good use of the data from the chart and provided specific figures, which helps in making your points clear and supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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