IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In most countries, people are allowed to start driving at the age of 18. Some say that the legal driving age should be increased to 21. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #age #say
In the modern era, laws are obligatory for the development of the country. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 few nations, masses are permitted to ride at the
age
 of 18.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some opine that
legal
Correct article usage
the legal
show examples
 driving
age
 must increased to 21.
This
 essay will analyse both views on
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 statement
along with
 my opinion in the subsequent paragraphs. Certainly, an association of multifarious reasons behind using vehicles at 18.
However
, first and foremost is maturity and responsibility. To explain it more, teenagers at 18 become mature and capable
to contemplate
Change preposition
of contemplating
show examples
 commendable avenues for themselves.
Moreover
, a sense of responsibility
inculcates
Wrong verb form
is inculcated
show examples
 in them towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as well as
 citizens. At
this
 point, they start to become independent by scrutinising all fields of life. In the 2019 survey, around 60% of USA students are allowed to use personal transport,
thus
 they become autonomous and overcome the encumber from their parents. On the paradoxical side, another factor
that is
 worth mentioning is
Correct article usage
the ulilization
show examples
ulilization
Correct your spelling
utilization
 of vehicles at the
age
 of 21,
while
 the prominent is lack of experience and
chlurish
Correct your spelling
cherish
. To elaborate on it, some demographers contend that
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
age
 should
Add a missing verb
be scalated
show examples
scalated
Correct your spelling
escalated
 in order to minimise
accidents
Change the noun form
accident
show examples
 rates as teenagers lack basic fundamental laws.
Further
, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
supstenial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 threat to the safety of
populance
Correct your spelling
populace
. Individuals
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above 20 become capable
to curb
Change preposition
of curbing
show examples
 the obstacles
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 intellectual and physical strength.
For instance
,
according to
2022
Correct article usage
a 2022
show examples
 survey in India,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
deem
Wrong verb form
deemed
show examples
 to
do racing
Wrong verb form
race
show examples
 with other peers under adolescence,
therefore
 around 40%
accidents
Change preposition
of accidents
show examples
 occur
due to
 their negligence. In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 government should take steps to limit
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
age
 as learners are incapable
to understand
Change preposition
of understanding
show examples
 the importance of civility. They must stern the rules and impose
finest
Correct article usage
the finest
show examples
 on the
under
Correct your spelling
underage
show examples
age
 persons to ensure
security
Add an article
the security
show examples
 of the country.
Submitted by harshitabangar77777 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views as required by the task, and you have provided your own opinion in the conclusion. However, you should ensure that each point is more clearly linked to the opposing view and the conclusion for better overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction clearly sets out the topic and your conclusion provides a summary of your view, some of the body paragraphs lack logical flow and topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and logically progresses to support your view.
coherence cohesion
There are a few inaccuracies and awkward phrasing in your language use, such as 'supstenial' (should be 'substantial') and 'chlurish' (perhaps meant 'churlish'). Try to proofread your work to avoid these errors and to improve readability.
task achievement
Some of your examples, like the surveys, add credible points to your arguments. However, the examples should be better integrated and explained to clarify their relevance to the essay argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear introduction to the topic and states the intention to discuss both views before presenting your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion does summarize your viewpoint effectively, reinforcing your stance and providing closure to the essay.

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