IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Prevention is better than cure out of a country's health budget in last portion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

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I agree that prevention is better than cure, and a portion of a country's
health
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 budget should be shifted from
treatment
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 to spending on
health
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education
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 and preventive measures.
First,
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focusing on prevention can help reduce the number of
people
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 who fall ill. Educating
people
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 about healthy living,
such
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 as eating well, exercising, and avoiding smoking, can lower the chances of diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. If fewer
people
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 get sick, the cost of
treatment
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 will decrease, and hospitals will not be overwhelmed with patients.
Second,
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health
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education
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 programs can teach
people
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 how to avoid common illnesses.
For example
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, teaching children to wash their hands properly can reduce the spread of diseases like flu or stomach infections.
This
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 kind of
education
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 is inexpensive compared to the cost of treating these diseases later.
However
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, it is important to remember that
treatment
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 is still necessary. Some
people
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 may not be able to prevent illness
due to
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 genetic reasons or accidents, and they will still need medical care. A balance between prevention and
treatment
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 is important for a healthy society. In conclusion, I believe that investing in
health
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education
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 and preventive measures is essential. By doing so, countries can reduce
health
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 costs and improve the well-being of their
people
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.
However
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, it is
also
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 important to continue providing medical
treatment
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 for those who need it.

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task achievement
Expand on the opposing viewpoint to showcase balance in your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve the flow between ideas in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your points are well-organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevention
  • cure
  • divert
  • health budget
  • treatment
  • health education
  • preventive measures
  • diseases
  • healthcare
  • importance
  • role
  • value
  • agree
  • disagree
  • position
  • outline
  • essay
  • state
  • extent
  • summarize
What to do next:
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