many schools these days have problems with poor student behaviour
Nowadays, it is becoming common for many schools to have problems with
students
who behave badly themselves at school
. Undoubtedly, this
problem has numerous causes. In this
essay, I will discuss the causes of this
problem and give several solutions.
One of the main causes students
behave badly in school
is wrong upbringing and lack of positive role
at home. Nowadays Fix the agreement mistake
roles
parents
, for example
, are more focusing
on their work than carrying their Replace the word
focused
children
. As a result
, their children
are getting used to get
Change the verb form
getting
behavior
from outdoor factors, and those Change the spelling
behaviour
behaviors
are causing Change the spelling
behaviours
to
not respect their Correct pronoun usage
them to
teachers
. To tackle this
issue, parents
should be put pressure
by Change preposition
under pressure
teachers
in order to they
raise their Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
. However
, raising their children
may require some skills such
as giving true manner
. Fix the agreement mistake
manners
Additionally
, not only do parents
give manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
their
Change preposition
to their
children
, but also
teachers
teaching students
should give some information about moral
to Fix the agreement mistake
morals
students
in a part of their lessons.
Another cause of poor student performance may be excessive use of mass media. According to
some facts, every modern student studying at school
spent
Wrong verb form
spends
average
Correct article usage
an average
6
hours on social media especially watching trendy videos Change preposition
of 6
instead
of reading books. Consequently
, they cannot focus on studying, and lose their concentration. Losing concentration, undoubtedly, will effect
their behaviour. To solve Correct your spelling
affect
this
issue, parents
should limit to
Change preposition
apply
children
using their phones. Moreover
, using smartphones at school
must be banned by school
directors. Furthermore
, students
who behave badly should be invited some
parties in order to learn Change preposition
to some
behavior
from others.
Change the spelling
behaviour
To sum up
, only when the solutions are exposed by parents
and teachers
, could
they increase Wrong verb form
can
students
' behaviour, otherwise
teachers
will continue
suffer from Add the particle
continue to
this
problem.Submitted by minimix1203 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and discusses both causes and solutions to the problem of poor student behavior. To achieve a higher score, ensure that each solution is directly linked to the corresponding cause in a clear and logical manner.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a fairly logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with the use of appropriate linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Some of your points require further development and supporting examples to make your arguments more persuasive. Try to incorporate specific instances or studies to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that slightly affect the readability of your essay. Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, "focusing on their work than carrying their children" should be "focusing on their work rather than caring for their children."
structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
You have identified relevant causes and proposed corresponding solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?