IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What problems does this cause? Can you suggest some solutions to this issue?

#people #balance #work #part #lives
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These days, the lives of
people
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 who have been living in the world have been changing from the past owing to the fact that our factories,
things
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 we need, technology, and other
things
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 are developing from the past
time
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, but these
things
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 have a large effect in the
people
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 lifestyles because they like to have a balance between their
work
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 and other parts of lives, yet some of them cannot access it.
This
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 may want to discuss the problems which are the result of
this
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 happening and how can we solve
this
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 matter. Every issue has a range of results that affect our life, so not balanced between
work
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 and other aspects of life has a
lot
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 of questions
such
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 as
people
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 who have these problems are in bad mental and these populations do not have a reasonable yield.
Firstly
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, it is important that communities who do have not
this
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 balance do not have a
lot
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 of
time
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 for doing their
work
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;
therefore
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, they will become angry and many times they lose both their lives and
work
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.
For example
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, a worker who spends a
lot
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 of
time
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 on their
work
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, so they do not have a
lot
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 of
time
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 doing their own
work
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;
as a result
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, they become angry about it , so they cannot
work
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 very well owing to the fact they think about their own
work
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.
Secondly
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, when
people
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 cannot access balance they have to spend less
time
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 on one aspect of others;
therefore
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,
this
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 thing influences other
things
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;
moreover
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, their efficiency will be low.
Nevertheless
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, the solution to
this
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 problem is a
lot
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. On the one side, I advise that
people
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 who have
this
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 matter write their plans for one week in real-
time
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 and they ought to do it
also
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, they should write the percentage of
work
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 which they can finish in the first week;
thereafter
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, in the other weeks climb thes proportion to become 100%. On the other side, a large group of
people
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 waste a
lot
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 of waste
time
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;
furthermore
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, we have to lose
this
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time
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 with alternative habits.
To conclude
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, It is important to solve
this
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 issue to increase our level of life and become far from negative results by decreasing our wasted
time
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 and having a casual
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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Task Response
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. A clear and concise introduction helps the reader to understand your direction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by using clear paragraphs for each main idea. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion to provide a clearer summary of the main points discussed and restate the importance of achieving work-life balance.
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will help make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity. Some sentences are confusing and affect the overall readability of the essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses the topic with relevant points regarding the causes and solutions to work-life balance issues.
Task Response
The writer shows an understanding of the impact of work-life imbalance on mental health and productivity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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