Studies show that many people in the prison have low level of education. For this reason, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate in prison, so that they can get a job when they leave prison. To what extent do you agree?
With the rise in crime rate, statistics show that most of the offenders in jails are uneducated. Some members of the society are of the
opion
that if these prisoners are educated Correct your spelling
opinion
while
in prison it will help them to get employment when they are released hence
lowering the commission of more crimes. This
essay agrees with this
idea because education
is a key to open
doors for opportunities and Replace the word
opening
also
, learned individuals are able to evaluate risks better.
Firstly
, it is important to note that education
open
doors Wrong verb form
opens
for
Change preposition
to
opportunies
. When someone is educated they can pursue a career and be helpful in the community. Most businesses require Correct your spelling
opportunities
knowledgable
people to interpret and handle tasks well. Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
For instance
, one can look for a job and work as a cashier in a supermarket. In many cases, if someone is released from prison with no skill they will be desperate and they resort to criminal activities to earn a living, but if they come out with a certificate they will be able to get employed therefore
minimising the commission of crimes.
Secondly
, education
brightern
people's minds and create a sense of purpose, Correct your spelling
brighten
brighter
This
means educated individuals tend to reason better. No educated men
or Fix the agreement mistake
man
women
would want to ruin their future over something that they can avoid, so Fix the agreement mistake
woman
education
gives people better
mind to Correct article usage
a better
chose
good over bad. Wrong verb form
choose
For example
, if a former prisoner meet
his friends and they try to Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
persued
him into committing another crime he will be able to reason out and convince them not to break the law.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that introducing classes in prisons will equip prisoners with skills to use after saving their jail terms to look for jobs or to work for themselves. More Verb problem
persuade
importantly
it will help them to make better life choicesAdd a comma
importantly,
Submitted by sisalt100 on
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Grammar and Spelling
There are minor grammatical and spelling errors that need attention. For example, 'opion' should be 'opinion', 'opportunies' should be 'opportunities', 'brightern' should be 'brighten', 'knowledgable' should be 'knowledgeable', 'persued' should be 'persuade', and 'saving' should be 'serving'. Correcting these will improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Vocabulary and Structure
Aim for a greater variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay. This will show your full range of language proficiency.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument well.
Content
The main points are relevant to the topic and are generally well-supported with examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?