IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education.

#people #sports #schools #waste #time #resources #school #part #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some
people
Use synonyms
 think that having
sports
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
 is not effective, whilst other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in
schools
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very important for education. In my view, I disagree with the first belief, because sport is very vast in our life. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why
sports
Use synonyms
 are very essential. A commonly held belief is that playing
sports
Use synonyms
 are waste of time and resources. I admit that
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 thinking is that they worry about
students
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 think that pupils will be exhausted from playing
sports
Use synonyms
 and after
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they will not study effectively. Of course, many
students
Use synonyms
 are suffering from
this
Linking Words
. But, I think that the
students
Use synonyms
 themselves and
schools
Use synonyms
 are problems. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have no
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
 in
sports
Use synonyms
 and get tired very easily. So for that, these
students
Use synonyms
 will complain to their parents and
afterwards
Add a comma
afterwards,
show examples
 parents will complain to
schools
Use synonyms
. From
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 more and more
people
Use synonyms
 will think that
sports
Use synonyms
 are
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time too.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it leads to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should add more interesting
sports
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 should be more interested in
sports
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that
sports
Use synonyms
 are very important to
students
Use synonyms
 and to their education. They believe that there are many benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing
sports
Use synonyms
. But, the main benefit
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 are very vast for
students
Use synonyms
' health. They can keep fit and be healthy for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 and it is very important for their studies.
According to
Linking Words
 scientists, studying in one place is not helpful for their
healthes
Correct your spelling
health
 and
students
Use synonyms
 should take some breaks and play
sports
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that
sports
Use synonyms
 are
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time and resources, I would disagree with that opinion I believe that sport is a must in
schools
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
' health
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical flow. Focus on providing a well-defined argument in each section.
task achievement
Expand more on the examples and explanations given in the essay. This can provide a more comprehensive response to the given task.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structures and using varied sentence lengths to enhance readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main argument of the essay.
complete response
You have made an effort to address both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health improvement
  • Life skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Dealing with failure
  • Managing stress
  • Academic performance
  • School spirit
  • Strain school budgets
  • Sports-related injuries
  • Essential subjects and activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: