Some people say that parents have the most important role in child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both of view and give your opinion.

At the present time, some members of society believe that
parents
play
the
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a
show examples
significant role in their
life'
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children's lives
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children
.
While
others say, external
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
like television or friends
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
on them. The fact that the trend has some demerits, I would argue there are more merits.
This
essay
explore
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explores
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how the benefits of
child's
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a child's
show examples
development with
parents
outweigh external resources. On the one hand, there are several advantages of
development'
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development
show examples
children
with their mom and dad. The
pricipal
Correct your spelling
principal
positive is that
parents
provide the first learning environment. A clear example can be seen in the
instill
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instil
show examples
moral
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morals
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and manners from
young
Add an article
a young
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age because
parents
have
ability
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the ability
show examples
to guide them.
Additionally
, an article published by Al Watan- revealed that "
parents
teach their
children
the essential skills in first years, for
instane
Correct your spelling
instance
language and culture.
On the other hand
, there are some resources to develop young age associated with
teleivision
Correct your spelling
television
and friends. First and foremost, television introduces a variety of cultures and languages.To demonstrate more, young requires bad or good ideas. Another possible factor is that
friend
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friends
show examples
who have social skills and a group of interests.
Consequently
, everyone should manage their
bahaviors
Correct your spelling
behaviour
. In conclusion, there are strong arguments on both sides.
Therefore
, I
srtongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
believe that
superiorities
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the superiorities
show examples
of merits' development
children
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of children
show examples
with
parents
outnumber friends and technology. The community should be
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
between two sides because each one complete
others
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the others
show examples
.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
The introduction clearly presents both viewpoints, but ensure clarity by using more precise language. For example, 'members of society believe' can be simplified to 'some believe.'
task achievement
Your argument is present, but ensure all sentences contribute directly to explaining why parental influence outweighs external factors. For example, 'The fact that the trend has some demerits' is ambiguous and could be clearer.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly by maintaining a consistent structure. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Sometimes your points are mixed and can cause slight confusion, like in the paragraph discussing both parents and external influences.
coherence cohesion
Increase your use of transitions to better link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In contrast' can help improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points. Rather than general statements, include statistics, studies, or specific situations that exemplify your argument.
task achievement
Reduce grammatical errors and typos to make the essay more readable and professional. For example, 'pricipal' should be 'principal' and 'instane' should be 'instance.' Use spell check and grammar tools if needed.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a balanced discussion of both views.
task achievement
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic, and you make an effort to discuss different influences on child's development.
coherence cohesion
You maintain a formal tone throughout the essay, which is appropriate for academic writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial influence
  • learning environment
  • essential life skills
  • instill morals and manners
  • external factors
  • introduce to a variety of cultures
  • social skills
  • monitor the content
  • maintain a central role
  • exposure to different ideas
  • complement parental teaching
  • broader understanding
  • critical thinking skills
  • foundational groundwork
  • prominent influence
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