IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In life,
people
Use synonyms
 often face challenging situations
such
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 as having an unsatisfying job. There are some
people
Use synonyms
 believing that accepting these cases is practical, whilst others argue that trying to improve them is better, leading to personal development. In
this
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 essay, l will delve into both viewpoints before giving my opinion.On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, acceptance of
challengeable
Replace the word
challenging
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 sometimes can be
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 pragmatic hypothesis
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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view
of
Change preposition
for
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 a few reasons.
Firstly
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, certain
people
Use synonyms
 have no opportunity or ability to alter their condition
straightforward
Change the word
straightforwardly
show examples
.
For example
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,
one
Use synonyms
 whose work is dissatisfying but pays
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 salary can't strive for something better because of keeping financial stability. Enduring the circumstances
also
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 may soothe the stress and anxiety, helping individuals to focus on the positive aspects of their lives.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
 with more enthusiasm
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 betterment are more likely to be successful.
Therefore
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, trying to get better, in most cases, could be the indicator of being
celebrity
Add an article
a celebrity
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.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 with unsatisfaction tend to work on
the
Change the word
their
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 weak sides
of
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apply
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theirs
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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or attend
to
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apply
show examples
night
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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 to gain new skills, it is what directs to better prosperity.
Additionally
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, struggling for improvement enhances
one
Use synonyms
's personal and professional experience, giving more potential
to
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for
show examples
better
Add an article
a better
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 job.In my opinion, striving for development with passion is
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 more pragmatic approach.
Hence
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, the more
one
Use synonyms
 tries to evolve in any field, the less potential to be in a poor lifestyle they have.In conclusion, both views might
also
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 have merits, depending on
mindset
Add an article
the mindset
show examples
 of individuals.
However
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, striving to come along can offer more benefits, leading to more potential prosperity in life.

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task achievement
To improve your Task Response, you should provide more relevant specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing and add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly. Using linking words and phrases can help to guide the reader through your arguments and illustrate the connection between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both viewpoints, and your opinion is clear and well-articulated.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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