Some school children have less natural ability to learn other languages. Therefore, it is not right to force these school children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While
some young students have
an
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the
show examples
ability to learn foreign languages, others may not
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
at
language
lessons.
Hence
, learning
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
must not be mandatory for those who struggle. On the grounds that, each kid has
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
brain
capability
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
forcing them to receive
language
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
may be depressing for them. The
brain
is utterly complex and special for each individual. Even
left
Correct article usage
the left
show examples
brain
and right
brain
do not work in
same
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the same
show examples
manner.
This
situation determines vary of
skillsets
Correct your spelling
skill sets
show examples
.
While
some are brilliant at numbers,
for instance
, others may create miracles with their instruments.
For
this
reason, being successful at every branch,
such
as
language
, math, or chemistry should not be expected from young minds. They have to be directed by their sharpest skills. Another factor that needs to be taken into account is youngster's vulnerable mental health. Forcing them to do any kind of activity drives them to face mental issues. Since their competitive nature, they are inclined to compare themselves with their peers. Once they
forced
Add a missing verb
are forced
show examples
to learn knowledge
that is
not related to their ability, they start to think that they are incapable or talentless. If these feelings sustain for a
while
, children may suffer from depression,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
show examples
or they even totally reject receiving
language
education. In conclusion, not every student
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
equally skilled when it comes to learning
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
. In order not to impair their mental state, offspring should be directed to the way that they are best
at
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apply
show examples
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
You have provided a complete response to the prompt, covering all necessary points. However, your arguments could be developed more fully with specific examples or studies to make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument. Be sure to use paragraphing and linking words consistently to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
general
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to demonstrate higher-level language skills.
general
Double-check your grammar and word choice to avoid minor errors, such as "may not good" should be "may not be good" and "brilliant at numbers" could be "brilliant with numbers." These minor issues can impact the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments are clear and relevant to the topic. You've addressed both the individual differences in ability and the mental health impact of forcing children to learn a language.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage well for your argument, and the conclusion effectively encapsulates your main points.
task achievement
You've made a good effort to address the complexity of the brain and various skill sets, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural ability
  • foreign language
  • aptitude
  • cognitive benefits
  • cultural understanding
  • individualized learning
  • education systems
  • one-size-fits-all curriculum
  • motivation
  • engagement
  • negative attitudes
  • equal opportunities
  • skill development
  • strengths and weaknesses
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