IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of fifty. What problems does this cause, and what solutions could minimise the problems?

#countries #gap #skills #people #age #fifty #minimise
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This
 is too independent topic in modern society. I want to divide
for
Change preposition
into
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 three
deferent
Correct your spelling
different
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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the
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of the
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 problems of technical
skills
 people. They depend on
rank
Add an article
the rank
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 of
Correct article usage
the development
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development
Replace the word
developed
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country
also
.
initially
, the high development country happening a few cases,
beause
Correct your spelling
because
 there had
well coordinated
Add a hyphen
well-coordinated
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education
 system and cooperation method.
Such
 as if somebody
lack
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lacks
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of
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apply
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skills
technology
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in technology
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, who can work with someone who has
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good ability of technical
skills
.
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?
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 They could work way of team-work. Especially, over the age
fifty
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of fifty
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 employers are doing well
somethings
Correct your spelling
in things
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 with co-workers.
Also
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Also,
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 their
education
were
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was
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 enough, maybe they don't have
weakness
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weaknesses
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.
In the
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The
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 middle level has
most
Add an article
the most
a most
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problem
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problems
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 of
difference
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different
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 executive
skills
,
big
Correct word choice
and big
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phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomena
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of society
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society
Replace the word
societal
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 divergence.
In
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This
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this
 rank contained developing countries,
for instance
,
inida
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India
,
central
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and central
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asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. In that
fact
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fact,
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 there are
much contrast
Fix the agreement mistake
many contrasts
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of
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in
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education
. Some engineers and
exper
Correct your spelling
experienced
 software
technolgy
Correct your spelling
technology
 scientists are magnificient
intelligence
Replace the word
intelligent
show examples
, but most
of
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apply
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labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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,
such
 as older uneducated people couldn't do anything. It
have
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has
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 to do many work of
colloborate
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collaboration
, should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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start to make
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 organisation structure.
last
 category, I like to mention
low development
Add a hyphen
low-development
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 countries
contained
Wrong verb form
contain
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 too
many
Correct word choice
large
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population
Change to a plural noun
populations
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,
such
 as some
African's
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African
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they
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 need to improve begin primary
education
,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 they are thinking about
a
Remove the article
apply
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clear water,
food
Correct word choice
and food
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 supply. They don't have enough time to think possible how to improve a
skills
Replace the word
skilled
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 population. Eventually, it might
to
Change the verb form
apply
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consider the topic
a
Correct article usage
apply
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worldwide, not only
one
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in one
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two
Correct word choice
or two
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country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 in future
will
Correct pronoun usage
there will
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 be
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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some
Change preposition
in some
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 issues
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with that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 variability expertise of employers,
due to
 the humanity
helped
Correct pronoun usage
that helped
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 each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 when we had generated. now people would be help to others. Let us assist to ones of old
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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task achievement
Introduce the essay topic clearly in the introduction and give a brief overview of the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed and providing a clear closing statement.
coherence and cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability and clarity of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay tackles an important and relevant issue in modern society, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have attempted to categorize the problems and solutions based on the development level of the country, which shows an organized approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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