Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In educational
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
institution
Add a comma
institution,
students
should thought
to form ethical behaviour Wrong verb form
be taught
in addition
to providing formal education. I agreed to a larger extent to the laid motive. My opinion is explained further
with examples.
The fundamental reason for my opinion is school
being Add an article
the school
a school
learning
centre where children can develop Correct article usage
a learning
varried
skills studying with classmates. Correct your spelling
varied
Students
can adapt such
skills quickly quickly
and effectively with Remove the redundancy
apply
explanation
of Add an article
an explanation
the explanation
pros
and cons. Correct article usage
the pros
this
additional Correct determiner usage
these
behavior
classes Change the spelling
behaviour
develops
Change the verb form
develop
intellectual
and social Correct article usage
the intellectual
well behaviour
of Correct your spelling
well-being
students
. For instance
, nowadays, many institutions have compulsory additional subjects of organizational behaviour to train their student ethically and behaviorly
.
Correct your spelling
behaviorally
Furthermore
, skilled classes would be attained by professional business personality, or successful person, which would have huge
impact on Add an article
a huge
students
min. Additional students
Can interact personally with teachers and can resolve inquiries with them cannot
be shared with parents. They would be Correct pronoun usage
that cannot
overall
development of children like mentally and ethically how to live their ideal life
Correct article usage
the overall
To sum up
, manners helps
Change the verb form
help
Add an article
the student
a student
student
to achieve personal identity, Fix the agreement mistake
students
also
school
environment, Correct article usage
the school
bring
more to success Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
students
where they can meet their role models and discuss their issues with well develop
Wrong verb form
developed
up
tutors and expand Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
their skillful
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
themselves
.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by varnibhatt2121 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that provides an overview of the argument without ambiguity. It's important to define terms and clarify the stance from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea that supports the overall argument. Currently, the essay jumps between points which can hinder coherence. Consider using topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in using singular and plural forms, and watch out for repetition of words (e.g. 'quickly quickly'). It's also important to use connecting words and phrases to show relationships between sentences and help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay makes a good attempt to address the topic directly and presents a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a conclusion present, which summarizes the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The inclusion of examples, like the mention of organizational behaviour classes, helps to support your points.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.