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Band 6

The internet allows us to dtay connected eith each other no matter where we are.On the other hand,it also isolates us and encorages people not to socialize. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

#internet #dtay #eith #matter #hand #encorages #people #statements
It seems that the
internet
 plays a big role in our lives nowadays. Since it can be accessed from anywhere, I believe that it helps us to be in touch with others.
However
, it
also
 affects relations between
people
 as it can either maintain contact or separate us from others.  Many would state that the
internet
 allows us to use it for several purposes, one of those is to stay connected with families, close friends  or some other
people
 since we can use it anytime we desire. Society has changed a lot distinctly in the past years, transformed by the
internet
.
According to
 how earlier
people
 communicated with one another remotely, sending letters, sending messages through telegraphs which takes time
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can be done in a minute these days. Texting platforms are used in between communities as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can conveniently spread
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 to stick them together even if the members are from different parts of the world. Alternatively, some are using it for entertainment,
such
 as online games. I find it quite risky that those activities can cause
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social experiences. Some
people
 would argue that the virtual world can be used to find friends but on the opposite side, it can create poor connections between those and their real-life friends or families.   In conclusion, the pros and cons
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the topic of connection among individuals are provided by using the
internet
. It can both tighten and loosen the bonds between
people
relying
Verb problem
depending
show examples
 on how we use it.
Submitted by kantimangamsuay on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay thoroughly addresses both aspects of the topic: staying connected and social isolation. Your essay touches on these points well, but it could be further detailed with more specific examples and data.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear, but work on organizing them more logically both within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strive to develop your main points with more depth. Each argument could benefit from additional details and examples to make it more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
supported main points
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of the internet on social connections.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your points are articulated clearly and are easy to follow, indicating a good command of written English.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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