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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Owing to difficult conditions including unhappy professions or scanty salaries, many argue that
adating
Correct your spelling
adapting
dating
 to the situation is the superior policy,
while
Linking Words
 others are of the opinion that one should strive for a more satisfactory opportunity. I strongly support the human instinct for breaking
the
Correct article usage
apply
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barriers in order to shape a brighter future, regardless of obstacles. On the one hand, sticking to the current situation, as terrible as it might be provides
with
Change preposition
apply
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several beneficial factors, stability being the key word.
Nevertheless
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, if a person stays
at
Change preposition
in
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 a depressed occupation, it will offer the
employee
Use synonyms
 important benefits
such
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 as a
pesion
Correct your spelling
pension
person
, the sick leave and the paid vacation.
Furthermore
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, adapting to the miserable career condition,
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the
employee
Use synonyms
to
Change the verb form
apply
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gain higher levels of patience, persistence and competence.
For example
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, if a person works in a
high pressured
Correct your spelling
high-pressure
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 profession with strict management, the
employee
Use synonyms
 will grow in many physical, administrative and mental capacities
as a result
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 of those harsh circumstances.
On the other hand
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, being stuck in a
dead end
Add a hyphen
dead-end
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 career with no hope for promotion or career development will kill the sole
of
Change preposition
apply
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employee
Use synonyms
. What would distinguish
Use synonyms
employee
Add an article
an employee
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 from a detainee in
this
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 case? Human beings are known for their intrinsic characteristics
such
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 as being ambitious.
Furthermore
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, a
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 and inspirational person’s desire for constant improvement in social status and mental growth will be obliterated by the blocked prospects of working in
such
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 regrettful conditions.
For example
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, an
employee
Use synonyms
 who concentrates on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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brighter horizons in the future will develop higher levels of mental capacities
such
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 as communication or leadership skills. It is
for
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this
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 reason that I totally encourage people to always strive for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brighter opportunities. In conclusion, I unequivocally endorse any attempt for a transformation to better prospects in professions. Staying
at
Change preposition
in
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 miserable work conditions
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 some benefits,
however
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, those are infinitesimal when compared to the vast range of mental and material advantages of
stiving
Correct your spelling
striving
show examples
 for a brighter future.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, which will make your essay more coherent.
task achievement
Avoid spelling and grammatical errors such as 'adating' (adapting), 'pesion' (pension), and 'regrettful' (regretful). A clean essay free of errors is important for clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Clear, relevant examples will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Refine your ideas for greater clarity and depth. Make sure your reasoning is clear and each point is well-developed.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
You addressed both viewpoints as required by the task, showing a balanced approach.
task achievement
You demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures, which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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