As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Children

Use synonyms

nowadays spend more of their free

time

Use synonyms

indoors with computers and TV than outdoors, compared to the previous era. By spending less

time

Use synonyms

on outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

could have several possible problems,

such

Linking Words

as speech delay, weak physical ability and lack of creativity.

Therefore

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, having a regular session for outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

is one of

solutions

Add an article

the solutions

show examples

that parents could do to tackle

this

Linking Words

problem. I will elaborate on the idea in

this

Linking Words

essay. Too much

spend

Verb problem

apply

show examples

leisure

time

Use synonyms

activities

Use synonyms

that are highly related to screens is bad for

children

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, especially indoors. If

children

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

too often, they will only focus on watching so they will have a lack of chance to express their emotions and opinions, which leads to speech delay problems.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, that habit will make them live in sedentary lifestyle which many medical researchers found will increase their possibility of having obesity, cancer, and diabetes. It's very dangerous when they have all of those risks even as

children

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. Schedule regular sessions for outdoor

activities

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could be a possible solution to prevent

children

Use synonyms

from having bad lifestyles. There are many options for outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

, it could be swimming, camping,

self-defense

Change the spelling

self-defence

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

, etc. Outdoor

activities

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need heavy physical energy which will make them move and benefit their health.

Furthermore

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, these

activities

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will involve many people as well, so

children

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can practice communicating easily. Outdoor

activities

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provide a chance for

children

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to develop their soft skills and physical ability. In summary,

children

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should not spend their leisure

time

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on indoor

activities

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only, they should explore more outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

. By reducing their screen hour,

children

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should have

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better physical and emotional abilities,

therefore

Linking Words

it will make them live better in society and in the future.

alfianarrizkyp

Aug 4, 2024

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task achievement

To improve your task achievement score, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas. Specific examples can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure, but to enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, avoid repetition of certain phrases, such as "outdoor activities," and try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to maintain reader interest.

coherence cohesion

Ensure you fully develop each point you make. For instance, when discussing the risks of a sedentary lifestyle, you could elaborate further on how this specifically impacts children or provide studies/statistics. This makes your main points more compelling.

task achievement

Make sure your introduction clearly states your main arguments. This will provide a better overview of what to expect in the essay and can make your argument easier to follow.

task achievement

Although your conclusion summarizes your main points, it could be strengthened by reiterating the significance of the solution proposed. This helps to reinforce the main takeaway of your essay.

task achievement

You have provided possible problems caused by lack of outdoor activities and suggested a solution, fulfilling the task requirement effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your thoughts and arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured with clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
obesity
screen time
social interaction
mental health
nature deficit disorder
posture
teamwork
structured activities
community engagement
physical fitness
exposure to nature
environmental conservation

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As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the government should provide free healthcare for all citizens, while others believe individuals should pay for their own medical expenses. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Scientists tell us that some activities are good for health and others are bad. Despite knowing that, millions of people still continue doing unhealthy activities. What are the causes and what are the solutions for this?

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?