As compared to the past, children these days spend more of their leisure time indoors with computures and TV and less time outdoors. Describe some of the problems this lack of outdoor leisure time can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.
Children
nowadays spend more of their free time
indoors with computers and TV than outdoors, compared to the previous era. By spending less time
on outdoor activities
, children
could have several possible problems, such
as speech delay, weak physical ability and lack of creativity. Therefore
, having a regular session for outdoor activities
is one of solutions
that parents could do to tackle Add an article
the solutions
this
problem. I will elaborate on the idea in this
essay.
Too much spend
leisure Verb problem
apply
time
in activities
that are highly related to screens is bad for children
, especially indoors. If children
do this
too often, they will only focus on watching so they will have a lack of chance to express their emotions and opinions, which leads to speech delay problems. Furthermore
, that habit will make them live in sedentary lifestyle which many medical researchers found will increase their possibility of having obesity, cancer, and diabetes. It's very dangerous when they have all of those risks even as children
.
Schedule regular sessions for outdoor activities
could be a possible solution to prevent children
from having bad lifestyles. There are many options for outdoor activities
, it could be swimming, camping, self-defense
Change the spelling
self-defence
sport
, etc. Outdoor Fix the agreement mistake
sports
activities
need heavy physical energy which will make them move and benefit their health. Furthermore
, these activities
will involve many people as well, so children
can practice communicating easily. Outdoor activities
provide a chance for children
to develop their soft skills and physical ability.
In summary, children
should not spend their leisure time
on indoor activities
only, they should explore more outdoor activities
. By reducing their screen hour, children
should have the
better physical and emotional abilities, Correct article usage
apply
therefore
it will make them live better in society and in the future.Submitted by alfianarrizkyp on
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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas. Specific examples can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but to enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, avoid repetition of certain phrases, such as "outdoor activities," and try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences to maintain reader interest.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you fully develop each point you make. For instance, when discussing the risks of a sedentary lifestyle, you could elaborate further on how this specifically impacts children or provide studies/statistics. This makes your main points more compelling.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main arguments. This will provide a better overview of what to expect in the essay and can make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
Although your conclusion summarizes your main points, it could be strengthened by reiterating the significance of the solution proposed. This helps to reinforce the main takeaway of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided possible problems caused by lack of outdoor activities and suggested a solution, fulfilling the task requirement effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your thoughts and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making it easier for the reader to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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