In some countries, people are no longer allowed to smoke in many public places and office buildings. Do you think this is a good rule or a bad rule?

Besides
my backgrounds and experiences in all scenarios, namely academic, work, and research, not only my critical thinking and problem-solving skills have developed faster but
also
the relationship between the technological field and medicine has awakened my interest.
Therefore
, I am undertaking a virtual Postgraduate Program in Artificial Intelligence at The University of Texas at Austin, which has given me tools aimed at Python Programming Code, Machine Learning, and Neural Networks
in addition
to Linear Algebra, Statistics, and Data Analytics. Currently, I am interested in following a research pathway in order to apply all the knowledge I have acquired
as well as
learn more about cutting-edge tools and research methodologies,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I consider
this
position very ambitious and complete, which fits perfectly with my expectations and goals for my professional and personal growth. For all these reasons, I consider myself a very competent, capable and enthusiastic candidate and it would be an
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
if my application for
this
position is accepted.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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task achievement
The essay provides a robust response to the task, clearly stating your background, interests, and goals. However, incorporating more specific examples and contextual details would strengthen your response further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider refining the transitions between sentences and sections to make the logical flow even smoother. Adding a clear introduction and conclusion could enhance overall structure.
task achievement
Your essay effectively communicates your background and interests, showing a clear connection between your experiences and the position you're applying for.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, and the points are generally well-supported.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • passive smoking
  • respiratory issues
  • health conditions
  • cigarette butts
  • littering
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • smoking rates
  • workplace productivity
  • absenteeism
  • smoke-free environment
  • rights of non-smokers
  • inclusive
  • personal freedom
  • governmental overreach
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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