IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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felons after serving their time in jail tend to break more laws. There are several causes contributing to
this
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 trend,
as well as
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 some solutions to
this
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 matter.
To begin
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 with, many individuals find it hard to accept ex-inmates into society
due to
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 the social stigma.
Not to mention
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, job opportunities that might be difficult for those with criminal records. On top of that, housing and other loan
also
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 become tiresome.
This
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 results in more crime
will be occurred
Wrong verb form
occurring
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 in order to provide for themselves or their families.
In addition
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, people with mental health issues or addiction problems
also
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 can commit more sinners because of a lack of
support
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 in the communities.
For instance
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, a person with a mental disorder, namely bipolar will act differently from normal people because they are not stable.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 leads to more
violent
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violence
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.
On the other hand
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, the government plays a big role in ensuring the safety of people in the country.
Therefore
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, rehabilitation programs must be provided to those ex-convicts so that they can improve and change, meanwhile helping them reintegrate into society.
Next,
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the authority should
also
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 establish a job scheme for ex-inmates. By doing
this
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, both parties will have their benefits and illegal acts can be reduced.
Lastly
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, the family and the public
support
Use synonyms
 are
also
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 vital,
thus
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this
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 can help a person to overcome their past.
For example
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, a former felon named Jeff Henderson who has served a decade in prison for cocaine is now known as a famous chef in Las Vegas.
Therefore
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,
support
Use synonyms
 and love can change a person. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the lacks
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lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
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 of
support
Use synonyms
, the social stigma that leads to
absence
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the absence
an absence
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 of a career and mental illness, all can be managed with the aid of the government, family, and the public.
Therefore
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, It is important to be taken care of before more crimes are committed and for the safety of the population.

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coherence cohesion
Try to arrange your points in a clear and logical sequence. Including clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs can make your arguments easier to follow. For example, the paragraph about mental health could be linked more clearly to how lack of support leads to reoffending.
task achievement
While your essay is comprehensive, expanding on some points with more detailed explanations and examples can strengthen your response. For instance, elaborating more on how social stigma affects ex-convicts would add depth to your essay.
task achievement
You've addressed both parts of the question thoroughly, examining both reasons for reoffending and suggesting measures to tackle it.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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