Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime

There is no denying the fact that modern

technology

development

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

a critical role in the ratio of crimes.

While

it is a commonly held belief that

technology

Replace the word

technological

show examples

improvement declined crime, there is

also

an argument that opposes it because they

considering

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

technology

shore

Fix the agreement mistake

shores

show examples

up the level of

crimes

Fix the agreement mistake

crime

show examples

This

essay will analyze

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On one hand,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

new

technology

development

Fix the agreement mistake

developments

show examples

such

as mobile phones spare awareness information for users to protect their

data

and privacy.

In other words

, most hackers demand to steal bank

data

from users by sharing a variety of links containing bugs and wrong links.

In addition

, there are numerous inventions that have a significant impact on individuals' lives that increase safety and control.

For example

, camera security recordings have a new version that can connect with police officers,

this

technology

plays a vital role in diminishing thieves and crimes.

On the other hand

, there is a variety of unique

technology

Fix the agreement mistake

technologies

show examples

that can pose a danger for both society and individuals

such

as drones. It is

also

possible to say that terrorist groups utilize

this

technology

to smuggle prohibited drugs and explosives.

Moreover

, these terrorist groups take social media as a method to follow the target including location and personal

data

and

that is

what various platforms provide for the public.

For instance

, a new study shared by the digital media department of the University of Leeds provides

data

that shows social media platforms

play

Wrong verb form

have played

show examples

a significant role in increasing the crime percentage by about 68% since 2017. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to

this

question. On balance,

however

, I tend to believe that the development of

technology

has decreased the crime rate, despite the disadvantages of the improvement of

technology

, it has a remarkable impact on our lives. t

Submitted by zaidamrat5 on Sun Aug 04 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all parts of the question prompt are fully addressed. In this case, adding more detailed analysis or examples for each viewpoint can strengthen the task response.

task achievement

Avoid repetition of ideas to enhance clarity. For example, reiterating similar points about technology in different sections can be avoided.

coherence cohesion

Improve coherence by using more varied and appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas. This will make your essay flow more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task achievement

Relevant and specific examples, such as the use of mobile phones and social media, are provided to support the main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

306 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

deterrent
surveillance
forensic science
cybercrime
data theft
anonymity
illicit activities
law enforcement
jurisdictions
crime prevention

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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