IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on it? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages. Explain your choice by using specific reasons and details.

Children
Use synonyms
use
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 computers from an early age and spend long hours both disadvantaged and
advantage
Wrong verb form
advantaged
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. The topic has become an integral part of the rising debate in the present world, including Vietnam. In the following essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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some of the disadvantages and advantages.
Children
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 who value a
computer
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 for long hours will be lazy.
Although
Linking Words
, in the modern world, they can learn anything on the internet.
In addition
Linking Words
, some people a big fans of violent
games
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, who play fighting
games
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, gun
games
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, and car driving
games
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,
..
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.
...
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 It makes them become aggressive and don'
t
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 exercise.
For example
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,
Children
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 spend a lot of free time playing
games
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while
Linking Words
 their parents
is
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are
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 busy but they don'
t
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 help their parent do their housework or learn something new
..
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.
...
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On the other hand
Linking Words
, if someone spends a lot of time using a
computer
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 to learn, it will help them more knowledge.
Nonetheless
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, in the present,
children
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 don'
t
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 have many friends like in the past. A part of the reason is the
use
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Use synonyms
Change preposition
of computer
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 or
telephone
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telephones
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. But if they
use
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 a
computer
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for
Change preposition
to
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 connect to a online friend on
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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, it helps them
can leam
Wrong verb form
learn
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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experience,
new
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and new
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 skills from their partners.
For instance
Linking Words
, if they want to study math or do homework, they will ask Gemini for a correct answer or ask their friend to help them. In conclusion, I would prefer
children
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 to
use
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 the
computer
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 from an early than
children
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 who don'
t
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use
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 a
computer
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 as a child. Because it is good for them to practice what they want to learn in their leisure time:

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay has a more structured format by clearly dividing your points into paragraphs. For instance, have separate paragraphs for each advantage and disadvantage, as well as a separate conclusion.
task achievement
In order to enhance your task achievement, make sure to elaborate more on your points with clear and comprehensive ideas. Avoid general statements and include specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of children using computers from an early age.
task achievement
Good attempt at providing specific examples to illustrate your points, such as mentioning violent games and online learning. This helps make your points more relatable and concrete.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological fluency
  • Educational development
  • Critical-thinking skills
  • Physical activity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Social skill development
  • Addiction
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Multitasking
  • Digital literacy
  • Screen time
  • Digital divide
  • Online safety
  • Cyberbullying
  • Ergonomics
  • Parental controls
  • Child-proofing
  • Interactive learning
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