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Band 4

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
In the contemporary era, science plays a key role in a wide range of aspects.
Therefore
, the question of whether
schentists
Correct your spelling
scientists
 should prioritise the improvement of
people
's lives has become a matter of considerable debate.From my
persepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
Scentists
Correct your spelling
Scientists
 should address more pressing
Tssues
Correct your spelling
issues
 rather than focus on
people
's lives.
Firstly
, many
studtes
Correct your spelling
studies
students
 have
consistantly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 shown
thae
Correct your spelling
that
the
 numerous serious
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 have
uncresed
Correct your spelling
occurred
 over the past few
dacades
Correct your spelling
decades
,
such
 as
climitae
Correct your spelling
climate
 change,endangered
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
,and
ecosysem isses
Correct your spelling
ecosystem issues
, all of which are crucial for our planet.
Therefore
, scientists should consider these problems as the most pivotal matters and strive to
allevate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
elevate
 them.
Moreover
,
screntists
Correct your spelling
scientists
 should demonstrate equality
petween
Correct your spelling
between
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and animals, as
this
 Is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ethical behaviour.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, a lack of
brodiversity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
 may lead to
unbalanced
Correct article usage
an unbalanced
show examples
enronment
Correct your spelling
environment
enrollment
 and
impatred
Correct your spelling
impaired
imparted
varous
Correct your spelling
various
 valuable
creatuves
Correct your spelling
creatives
creatures
.
This
 not only contributes to a
trategy
Correct your spelling
strategy
 in the world but
also
 brings knock-on effects. For
exampe
Correct your spelling
example
, bees serve as
a essential pollinators
Correct the article-noun agreement
essential pollinators
an essential pollinator
show examples
 in
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
an ecosystem
show examples
, when they disappear that leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 collapse in food production
due to
 a lack of
pollinate
Replace the word
pollination
show examples
 services.
However
, it is
undentable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
show examples
 that
scinece
Correct your spelling
science
 can help
people
 enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 standard of living,
such
 as wealth, products, and relevant aspects.
Nevertheless
, if
sccentists
Correct your spelling
scientists
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
pioitise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 to address environmental challenges,
people
 still cannot have a better and
safter
Correct your spelling
safer
 quality of
living
Replace the word
life
show examples
. In
conclusTon
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,there are several
cructal
Correct your spelling
crucial
issueshould
Correct your spelling
issue should
 be
prioritise
Wrong verb form
prioritised
show examples
instend
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
people
's lives.
Therefore
, the preservation of animals, the
maintenantce
Correct your spelling
maintenance
Change preposition
of biodiverstity
show examples
biodiverstity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
, and the
altevation
Correct your spelling
alteration
 of climate change, all of which should be
consider
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
pitorities
Correct your spelling
priorities
.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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grammar
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is commendable. However, there are several grammatical errors and typographical issues throughout your essay. These errors can detract from the clarity of your message. I recommend revising your essay to correct these mistakes and improve the overall readability.
detail expansion
While examples are provided in your essay, they aren't sufficiently specific or developed. For example, when discussing climate change or endangered animals, provide more concrete details and data to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
structure
The logical flow and structure of your essay could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs are sometimes abrupt. Use linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion
You have a strong introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well. This is a key part of effective writing.
content focus
Your main points are relevant and related directly to the prompt. You have a clear stance, and your argument is well-focused.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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