IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

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I strongly agree that the
internet
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 allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. I think
one
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 of the reasons the
internet
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 keeps us connected to
one
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 another no matter where we are is convenience. We can see
this
Linking Words
 in action using the "
Instagram
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" app. Nowadays, millions of individuals utilise
Instagram
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 as a powerful medium for communication on a global scale.
Instagram
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 allows direct messages, voice calls, and video calls.
Instagram
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 offers several capabilities, which make it simple to communicate with friends, family, and relatives anywhere in the world using a smartphone.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
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 the reason why, no matter where we are, the
internet
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 keeps us in touch with
one
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 another. Networking and sharing are two other ways that the
internet
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 keeps us in touch with
one
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 another wherever we are. Facebook is just
one
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 more instance of
this
Linking Words
. Facebook serves as a platform for friends and family connections through profile creation. We may be able to stay in contact with them if they share a photo, video, or narrative. Possibly by responding to their stories or posts.
This
Linking Words
 can open up a channel of exchange of messages.
However
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, I
also
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 partially agree that the
internet
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 isolates us and encourages
people
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 not to socialise. The
internet
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 may induce anxiety, depression and loneliness, which is why it
also
Linking Words
 drives
people
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 to avoid social interaction and isolates them. Overuse of the
internet
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 can lead to the development of despair, anxiety, and loneliness in many
people
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. Face-to-face conversations would become awkward
as a result
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 of their
internet
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-induced despair and loneliness as they wouldn't have the courage to talk to
people
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 in person. In total,
one
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 of the best methods for staying in touch with friends and family is over the
internet
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.
However
Linking Words
, prolonged
internet
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 use can lead to anxiety and sadness, which can make
one
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 feel insecure in social situations.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame your argument. The introduction should outline both perspectives, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your logical structure by using more transition words to link your ideas. This will help the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on the negatives of the internet to balance your essay. This includes adding more specific examples or research findings to support your point of view.
task achievement
Work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas for each paragraph, ensuring that each point is fully explored before moving on to the next.
task achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, such as Instagram and Facebook, which effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Despite the need for better transitions, your essay has a logical structure and covers both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connected
  • isolation
  • instant messaging
  • video calls
  • social media
  • virtual communities
  • sense of belonging
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful interactions
  • excessive use
  • in-person socialization
  • social networks
  • self-expression
  • fade away
  • introverted individuals
What to do next:
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