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Band 3

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing What do you think are the caises of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #caises #measures
In several countries there is
Correct article usage
a noticable
show examples
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 trend, the average
weight
 of
people
 is increasing and their levels of
health
 and fitness are decreasing, if it continues the projected average human life will be affected,based
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion the problem and solution are given below.
Firstly
 I would like to talk about the problem is stress in
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
, affects
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
 ,
continuios
Correct your spelling
continuous
 work pressure and un-healthy food consumption affects the average
weight
 of
people
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 man who works in
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
 area as
sales
Correct article usage
a sales
show examples
 representative has many problems like task
achivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
, if it is not
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
, he may be affected by one of above mentioned problems,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes him
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
consume unhealthy foods.
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
show examples
 there is
solution
Add an article
the solution
a solution
show examples
 for every problem, by the
way
Add the comma(s)
way,
show examples
 exercise like yoga,
cardio
Correct word choice
and cardio
show examples
 manages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peoples
Change to a genitive case
people's
show examples
 body fitness
also
 mental
health
.
Next
Add a comma
Next,
show examples
 the healthy food habit
also
 helps to maintain body
health
 and
weight
 loss.
For example
,the man who working as
sales
Correct article usage
a sales
show examples
 representative used to do cardio
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercises
 has good
health
 and
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 mental ability to handle work pressure ,and
also
hygine
Correct your spelling
high
 food consumption will maintain average
weight
. In
this
 case
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routine good habits protect from
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
weight
. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
above given
Add a hyphen
above-given
show examples
 solution is
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to
people
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly define what you will discuss in both the introduction and conclusion. This will help in creating a more structured essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking sentences and paragraphs better to improve the flow of the essay. Use linking words like 'moreover', 'therefore', and 'however'.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both the causes and solutions of the problem, which shows good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical sequence of ideas, starting with the problem and moving to the solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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