IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing What do you think are the caises of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #caises #measures
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In several countries there is
Correct article usage
a noticable
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noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 trend, the average
weight
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing and their levels of
health
Use synonyms
 and fitness are decreasing, if it continues the projected average human life will be affected,based
on
Change preposition
in
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 my opinion the problem and solution are given below.
Firstly
Linking Words
 I would like to talk about the problem is stress in
office
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the office
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, affects
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health
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 ,
continuios
Correct your spelling
continuous
 work pressure and un-healthy food consumption affects the average
weight
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 of
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 man who works in
urban
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an urban
the urban
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 area as
sales
Correct article usage
a sales
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 representative has many problems like task
achivement
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achievement
, if it is not
achived
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achieved
, he may be affected by one of above mentioned problems,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes him
to
Change the verb form
apply
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consume unhealthy foods.
Linking Words
Initially
Add a comma
Initially,
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 there is
solution
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the solution
a solution
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 for every problem, by the
way
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way,
show examples
 exercise like yoga,
cardio
Correct word choice
and cardio
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 manages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peoples
Change to a genitive case
people's
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 body fitness
also
Linking Words
 mental
health
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.
Next
Add a comma
Next,
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 the healthy food habit
also
Linking Words
 helps to maintain body
health
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 and
weight
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 loss.
For example
Linking Words
,the man who working as
sales
Correct article usage
a sales
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 representative used to do cardio
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercises
 has good
health
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 and
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 mental ability to handle work pressure ,and
also
Linking Words
hygine
Correct your spelling
high
 food consumption will maintain average
weight
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. In
this
Linking Words
 case
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routine good habits protect from
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
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 in
weight
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. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
above given
Add a hyphen
above-given
show examples
 solution is
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly define what you will discuss in both the introduction and conclusion. This will help in creating a more structured essay.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking sentences and paragraphs better to improve the flow of the essay. Use linking words like 'moreover', 'therefore', and 'however'.
task achievement
You have made an effort to address both the causes and solutions of the problem, which shows good task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical sequence of ideas, starting with the problem and moving to the solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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