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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
Some individuals believe that
children
 should be motivated to have a sense of competition,
while
others
 think that teaching them how to cooperate with other
people
 is more valuable. I believe that,
while
 competitions encourage them to be successful, motivating them to cooperate with
others
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them learn to work within a team and it is a soft skill that they should develop. Some
people
 argue that instilling a sense of
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
 in
children
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them achieve what they want successfully.
This
 is because of the idea of competition which makes them think that if they do not win the challenge, they will fail.
Therefore
,
this
 way of thinking leads them to do whatever should be done to succeed. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
, race competitions in the USA's preschools make kids learn the skills that are needed to win the race to be more successful than their competitors . Despite
this
, I believe that
children
's need for working with
others
 is more beneficial.
On the other hand
, some believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 teaching
children
 to work in groups is important because it is what they are expected to do when they become adults. Working as a team helps them understand other
people
 and it develops their ability to socialize with
others
 more easily.
Also
, it is a soft skill
that is
 needed in most jobs these days and it is beneficial for kids to learn it from an early age.
For example
, many preschools in the USA use cooperation as a method of teaching for
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 benefit
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in all the following stages of life.
Therefore
, I agree with
this
 idea because it has a positive effect on their personality. In conclusion,
while
 instilling a sense of competition in kids
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them successful in every field, cooperating with
people
facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
show examples
 the way to their success by becoming socially intelligent, which is more valuable later in life.
Submitted by sam  on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and clearly presents your own opinion. However, ensure to provide a bit more detailed supporting points for each argument to strengthen your position further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, avoid repetition in your sentences and look for different ways to express similar ideas. Also, consider adding a few more linking words or phrases to improve the overall flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up both sides of the argument effectively. It's also good to see a clear statement of your own opinion.
logical structure
Logical structure is strong, with paragraphs that cover distinct points and clear transitions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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