IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

The number of young people who choose
Use synonyms
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 training rather than admitting
universities
Use synonyms
 has increased in some countries. The drawbacks of
this
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 tendency,
such
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 as not being aware of crucial abilities in
work
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 life and not having a chance
in attending
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to attend
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 some jobs are stronger than its benefits, like not wasting time at
universities
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. The first con of
this
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 situation is that
universities
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 not only teach students subjects
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 prepare them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
In other words
Linking Words
, In
Use synonyms
universities
Add a comma
universities,
show examples
 individuals learn to compete, be patient, and
work
Use synonyms
 hard which play vital roles in
work
Use synonyms
 life.
For instance
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 studying learners participate in different
compatitions
Correct your spelling
competitions
, they
work
Use synonyms
 hard on different projects, and sometimes they cannot win. In
this
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 case, they are patient and
work
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 on themselves until getting
success
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succeed
show examples
.
Therefore
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, after graduating
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
work
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 they will have experiences in
such
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 situations and they will not give up.
Furthermore
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, there are certain jobs that require diplomas
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
universities
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. If people do not study
at
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a
show examples
bachelor
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bachelor's
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 degree, they will lose some job opportunities which can earn high salaries.
On the other hand
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, individuals can learn the subject which they desire with the help of courses.
For example
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, if younger people want to be software
engeeners
Correct your spelling
engineers
, they can take
trainings
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training
pieces of training
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short term,
instead
Linking Words
surfing
Correct word choice
of surfing
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four
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for four
show examples
 or five years at
universities
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. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, the disadvantages of enrolling in
trainings
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training
pieces of training
show examples
instead
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 of studying at
universities
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, which are not
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 skills, like patience and hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, and the lack of job
opportinutes
Correct your spelling
opportunities
due to
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 not having
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
 outweigh the advantages saving time.

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement that directly indicates your position on the advantages and disadvantages. This will strengthen your introduction and overall argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. This will enhance the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both the pros and cons of work-based training, which demonstrates critical thinking.
Task Achievement
Your examples, such as software engineering training, help to illustrate your points clearly.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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