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Writing Samples /
Band 4

the village of Stockford changed between 1920 and 2010.

#village #stockford
The maps compare how the
village
 of Stockford changed between 1920 and 2010. From an
overall
 perspective,
this
village
 experienced a huge change in the studied duration,
moreover
, it transformed to serve residential purposes
instead
 of agricultural activities. So, it is obvious that
this
 area would consist
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
houses
. In terms of facilities and transportation systems, the
village
 of Stokeford was accommodated with more lanes, and pathways on the eastern side of river Stoke after 80 years.
However
, shops, which
located
Add a missing verb
are located
show examples
 near the river bank, were removed to make way for new lanes and
houses
 in 2010. Notably, the area for farming and a central garden were all removed for other purposes. Looking at residential areas, the Stockford
Village
 version 2010 was available for more residents to come and stay because more than 40 new
houses
 near the pathways were created.
Additionally
, the three large
houses
 new the old garden were transformed into homes for retired people at the same time.
Submitted by anhduong.mth0102 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure but can benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion. Try to include a brief conclusion to summarize the main points of comparison.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when mentioning changes in facilities and residential areas.
task achievement
Work on using more precise vocabulary and grammar structures to convey your comparisons effectively. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively describes the transformation of Stockford over the studied period, showing a clear shift from agricultural to residential purposes.
coherence cohesion
The overall organization of the essay is logical, and the main points are well-supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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