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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

#countries #schools #aim #education #range #subjects #children #focus #career #today’s #world
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In some parts of the world, secondary schools prefer teaching
children
 general knowledge
on
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of
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 various
subjects
 whilst others believe that it is better to expose
children
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific classes that may prepare them for a distinct career.
While
 it may be seen
reasonable
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as reasonable
show examples
 to rely on one area, I believe that learning general information is more beneficial. On the one hand, it is understandable why focusing on particular
subjects
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 advantageous because you get a chance to delve into specific areas and acquire them extensively.
For example
, we have special schools in my country that
provides
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provide
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 education
on
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in
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 several main areas of science
such
 as Chemistry and Biology. Based on statistics, the
children
 who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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graduated
from
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apply
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there are more likely to pursue professional careers
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
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 doctor and
a
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apply
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scientist.
However
, despite the abovementioned arguments, I am of the opinion that it is better to learn multiple disciplines for a number of plausible reasons.
Firstly
, learning
subjects
 like music, art, and, technology other than mathematics and literature broadens our horizons and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 us more intelligent.
For instance
, I attended various intellectual games and the topics that I covered in school helped me to answer complicated questions effortlessly.
Secondly
, as
the
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apply
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secondary school is too early to decide which career path you want to follow, it is not right to force
children
 to choose an occupation that they will engage in for a long time. They might change their mind as they discover their true potential and passion over time.
That is
 where different
subjects
 can come in handy by opening
them
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the
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 new doors. Take my classmates as
example
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an example
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, we were divided into four classes
according to
 various careers.
However
, some of them changed their direction when they reached
to
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apply
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10th grade since they decided that they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to do something else. In conclusion,
although
 focusing on specific fields may have some prospects, I believe that being familiar with different
subjects
 is far more important in our ever-changing world.
Submitted by Narmin on

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language
Ensure consistent use of plurals and articles, e.g., 'such as doctors and scientists.'
language
Consider using more complex sentence structures to add variety.
coherence cohesion
Try to make transitions between paragraphs smoother for better flow.
task response
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well articulated.
task response
Good use of relevant specific examples to support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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