Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older more traditional values such as respect for the and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that greedy
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and selfish
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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show
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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increase
Replace the word
increased

The word increase doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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nowadays.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it is a commonly held belief that returning to the past conventional learning is an essential method that will demonstrate a diminishing of individual
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that older traditional teaching plays a critical role
to improve
Change preposition
in improving

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with, I would consider social media as the biggest issue for
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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harmful disrespect and
selfishness
Replace the word
selfish

The word selfishness doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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.
In other words
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, numerous social media platforms allowed
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with zero experience to create blogs and spread content as
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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life
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches

It seems that coach may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. They give advice to a wide range of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, especially children. Sadly
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

advice contains danger signals for the individual mind.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, losing parental control
about
Change preposition
over

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the content followed by their children.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, kids
at
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the first 10 years collecting information from their environment
Add the comma(s)
, as well as this,

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter as well as this. Consider adding the comma(s).

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as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

will reflect on their future
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
. Another point to consider, the ancient community provides an immense influence in teaching
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as respect and support. It is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

possible to say,
traditional
Correct word choice
that traditional

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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teaching shows a crucial beneficial aspect
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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our generation
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

shore up for
build
Change the verb form
building

The verb build may be in the wrong form after the preposition for. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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strong
Add an article
a strong

The noun phrase strong society seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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society.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Schools
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have

It seems that the verb has does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a vital role
on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

show examples
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours

The spelling of behaviors is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
they ought to implement regulations, despite how their parents treat them.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a study published in 2010 by the community department of the University of Jordan, shows digital data about how
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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schools can change
children
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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in the first 10 years by 76%. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

having different views, I believe that older
traditional
Replace the word
traditions

The word traditional doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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must be in consideration to create
generation
Add an article
a generation

The noun phrase generation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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with sufficient skills, I consider
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb encourage. Consider changing it.

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kids with expert, books,
Correct word choice
and awarenesses
show examples
awarenesses
Correct your spelling
awareness

The word awarenesses doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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material will
contribute
Verb problem
have

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
an impact on their
behaviors
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure you maintain a logical flow of ideas and support your points with relevant examples consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
Avoid generalization and aim to stay more focused on the specific points you want to discuss. Additionally, work on the clarity of your ideas by expanding on some points or providing clearer explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question asked and provides relevant points of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern society
  • traditional values
  • familial bonds
  • community ties
  • collective well-being
  • individual gain
  • responsibility
  • care for others
  • neglect
  • isolation
  • honesty
  • respect
  • cooperation
  • individual greed
  • ethical conduct
  • social cohesion
  • crime rates
  • mental health
  • general happiness
What to do next:
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