Individual greed and selfishness have been the basis of modern society. Some people think that we must return to older more traditional values such as respect for the and the local community in order to create a better world to live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that greedy
people
and selfish
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
show
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
nowadays.
While
it is a commonly held belief that returning to the past conventional learning is an essential method that will demonstrate a diminishing of individual
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that older traditional teaching plays a critical role
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
To begin
with, I would consider social media as the biggest issue for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful disrespect and
selfishness
Replace the word
selfish
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
In other words
, numerous social media platforms allowed
people
with zero experience to create blogs and spread content as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
. They give advice to a wide range of
people
, especially children. Sadly
this
advice contains danger signals for the individual mind.
In addition
, losing parental control
about
Change preposition
over
show examples
the content followed by their children.
For example
, kids
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the first 10 years collecting information from their environment
Add the comma(s)
, as well as this,
show examples
as well as
this
will reflect on their future
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. Another point to consider, the ancient community provides an immense influence in teaching
such
as respect and support. It is
also
possible to say,
traditional
Correct word choice
that traditional
show examples
teaching shows a crucial beneficial aspect
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
our generation
this
shore up for
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
society.
Moreover
, Schools
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
they ought to implement regulations, despite how their parents treat them.
For instance
, a study published in 2010 by the community department of the University of Jordan, shows digital data about how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools can change
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in the first 10 years by 76%. In conclusion, despite
people
having different views, I believe that older
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
must be in consideration to create
generation
Add an article
a generation
show examples
with sufficient skills, I consider
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
kids with expert, books,
Correct word choice
and awarenesses
show examples
awarenesses
Correct your spelling
awareness
show examples
material will
contribute
Verb problem
have
show examples
an impact on their
behaviors
.
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure you maintain a logical flow of ideas and support your points with relevant examples consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
Avoid generalization and aim to stay more focused on the specific points you want to discuss. Additionally, work on the clarity of your ideas by expanding on some points or providing clearer explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, helping guide the reader through the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question asked and provides relevant points of view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern society
  • traditional values
  • familial bonds
  • community ties
  • collective well-being
  • individual gain
  • responsibility
  • care for others
  • neglect
  • isolation
  • honesty
  • respect
  • cooperation
  • individual greed
  • ethical conduct
  • social cohesion
  • crime rates
  • mental health
  • general happiness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: