Some people feel that learning a foreign language is an essential component of a child’s education. Others feel that learning a foreign language is often a waste of time that can be better spent on learning about technology and other more vocational subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Learning a foreign
language
seems an initiative
priorty
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priority
for young
children
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children's
show examples
educational journey
while
others
belive
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believe
show examples
that it is
waste
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a waste
show examples
of
children
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children's
show examples
time and they need to be exposed to technology and
vacational
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vocational
subjects are more important. In my point of view,
language
ability
place
Verb problem
plays
show examples
an extremely important role which can be used
a
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as a
show examples
tool to enhance later in their
career
.
With the
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The
show examples
emgering
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emerging
merging
of
internet
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the internet
show examples
and learning
new
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a new
show examples
language
in
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at
show examples
the
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a
show examples
young age allows them to get a job worldwide.
Also
, there are
some
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apply
show examples
many multinational companies
need
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that need
show examples
staff
Correct pronoun usage
who known
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known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
foreign languages as much as
posible
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possible
to enhance.
For example
, logistics companies
accquire
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require
staff
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to know
local
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the local
show examples
language
to work
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with locatl
show examples
locatl
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local
authorities
for
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to
show examples
import and export
cargos
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cargo
show examples
legally. Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
learning
language
is the root
for
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of
show examples
career
development. Technical and vocational subjects
is
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are
show examples
also
important for
career
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a career
show examples
;
however
,
children
are too young and soon to
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
and get a deep
undertanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
.
For example
,
children
who are under 18 years old,
this
age should learn basic social knowledge from schools provided and it helps them to get
fundermental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
skills to develop in
Correct article usage
the univerity
show examples
univerity
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university
period.
Additionally
, vocational skillsets are learned in university education and participate
extra
Change preposition
in extra
show examples
classes to enhance
ablitity
Correct your spelling
ability
.
For instance
,
an
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a
show examples
university gives extra
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
such
as software coding
cours
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courses
course
,
computer
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and computer
show examples
courses for students who are interested in
these skill
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this skill
these skills
show examples
. In
conclusionLearning
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conclusion
a foreign
language
is a base to jump and expand
career
path worldwide,
while
the vocation skillsets can
learn
Wrong verb form
be learned
show examples
later in the university time to get direct matching with
aspiring
Add an article
an aspiring
show examples
career
path.
Submitted by elizaluu94 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, which is commendable. However, some points lack development and specificity. Try to elaborate more on why learning a foreign language can be beneficial and provide more concrete examples.
coherence cohesion
While your main ideas are clear, the logical flow of your argument could be improved. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that sentences within the paragraphs logically follow from one another. Use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be stronger. The introduction should clearly introduce the topic and outline what the essay will cover. The conclusion should summarize the key points discussed and clearly state your opinion.
task achievement
Support your main points with more relevant specific examples. For instance, you mentioned logistics companies; provide a real-world example or case study to strengthen your argument.
general advice
Check for grammatical errors and improve sentence structures. For example, your essay would benefit from more complex and varied sentence structures. Avoid minor spelling mistakes to make your writing clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
You make an effort to support your main points with examples, which is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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