IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

#experts #children #language #school #outweigh
Half of children
beginning
Wrong verb form
begin
show examples
 learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
 from primary
school
, because of their parents,
however
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 side of parents think that
this
 is better for their kids to start doing
this
 from adolescence period. in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am
doing
Correct your spelling
going
show examples
 to discuss both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
 of opinions. on the one hand, children should start exploring foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 from childhood, exactly at primary
school
. Because, in fact, children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 more young
age
 can remember and understand new materials easily,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
age
.
For example
,
according to
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
, 60 per cent of people, who started learning some kind of subject
since
Change preposition
in
show examples
 childhood,
remembered
Wrong verb form
remember
show examples
 it until the adult
age
.
Therefore
, people
remembering
Wrong verb form
remember
show examples
 things better, when they are kids, so that`s why they should learn it from primary
school
.
Nevertheless
,
on the other hand
, it might be better to study something new in the more conscious
age
, like adolescence. because, if they are doing
this
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
age
, it means that they decided it by themselves, so they will do it with more responsibility and awareness.
For example
, in childhood in more situations,
subjects
Correct article usage
the subjects
show examples
, which pupils will study,
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 decided by their parents,
while
 students, who have chosen
this
 by themselves can clearly understand with which purpose they are studying it.
Therefore
, students have to start learning
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
language
 from secondary
school
. In conclusion, regarding my point of view, I think, pupils should start to familiarize
with
Correct pronoun usage
themselves with
show examples
 foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 in primary
school
,
however
, more deeply they need to study
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in secondary
school
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You need to clearly separate the sections of your essay, making the transition between paragraphs smoother.
task achievement
Include specific examples to better support your arguments.
grammar
Work on grammar and punctuation to enhance the clarity and flow of your ideas.
language
Use a range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion presents a clear standpoint and sums up your opinion effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: