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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its life cycle. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the environmental issues raised by a product over its life cycle. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The provided process illustrates how some environmental problems are caused
the
Change preposition
by the
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 rise
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
product
Use synonyms
 over its life cycle.
Overall
Linking Words
,there are several steps for arousing environmental issues,starting from planning and designing products and finishing with recycling. First of all,the
materials
Use synonyms
 are brought to the factory by a truck in order to use them to make a new
product
Use synonyms
.The second stage is that the dedicated
materials
Use synonyms
 and energy
resources
Use synonyms
 are consumed so as to
use
Verb problem
apply
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introduce
a
Remove the article
apply
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new stuff.Afterwards,once the
materials
Use synonyms
 and energy
resources
Use synonyms
 which can be non-renewable
resources
Use synonyms
 have been consumed,they
then
Linking Words
 produce a new
product
Use synonyms
 in the factory.
The following step is
Linking Words
 that the workers not only package new goods
,
Remove the comma
apply
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but
also
Linking Words
 they distribute them so that they can sell them in
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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various quick shops. Next,once sellers have provided their products in their stores,they
then
Linking Words
 sell goods to the customers.After that,the buyers can decide whether they tend to recycle their stuff or take it to a disposal
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
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.If people prefer to recycle their goods,the manufacturers will consume their
materials
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 energy
resources
Use synonyms
 in order to produce another
product
Use synonyms
 in the factory.The final step is that the products which were used by people are sent to check the feedback section in order to be planned and designed again.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words product, materials, resources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "provided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifecycle
  • Environmental impact
  • Raw materials
  • Resource depletion
  • Pollution
  • Carbon emissions
  • Transportation
  • Energy consumption
  • Waste generation
  • Sustainable sourcing
  • Eco-friendly
  • Carbon footprint
  • Recycling
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