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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar graph illustrates the outcomes of a survey about
people
Use synonyms
 who
are lives
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
Use synonyms
cities
Change noun form
city's
cities'
show examples
habit
Correct subject-verb agreement
habits
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 buying and consuming.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are provide five
cities
Use synonyms
 in Australia. Which are Sydney,
Malborne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 except Adelaide prefer to go to café
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 consume
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tea
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 all the citizens in
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 prefer to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, In
Sydney
Add a comma
Sydney,
show examples
 roughly around 60% of humans preferred
went
Change the verb form
to go
show examples
 to
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks.
Linking Words
While fresh
Correct word choice
Fresh
show examples
coffee
Use synonyms
consumed
Add a missing verb
is consumed
show examples
 by
people
Use synonyms
 approximately 43%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
coffee
Use synonyms
sold
Add a missing verb
is sold
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 45% of citizens in Sydney.
Further
Linking Words
, the same habit
was happened
Change to the active voice
happened
has happened
show examples
 in
Melborn
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 as well. Among all five
cities
Use synonyms
 below 45% of
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 of Adelaide have a small
changed
Replace the word
change
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph which was they preferred to consume instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 1%
higher
Correct word choice
more
show examples
 than went to
shop
Add an article
the shop
a shop
show examples
 and had a
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, coffee, tea with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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