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Band 5.5

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects

#art #part #society #expression #culture #children #focus #subjects
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It is commonly believed that cultures are defined through
art
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 and it is fundamental to societies. I think that teaching
art
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subjects
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 at
school
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 will develop students’ creativity and assist them in expressing their thoughts and emotions.
However
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, I tend to disagree with the idea of limiting
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school
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the school
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 curriculum to only
art
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 as it will not suffice their educational demands. First of all,
art
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 makes
children
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 more creative.
For
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this
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 reason, adding
art
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subjects
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 to
school
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 programs provides an opportunity for
children
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 to learn how to think out of the box and basically teaches them how to think creatively. As
it
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apply
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is evident,
the
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apply
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history shows us that there are no restrictions for an artistic mind, they always create mind-blowing masterpieces that fascinate
a
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the
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 world.
Moreover
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, promoting a creative mind will
guarntee
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guarantee
 a better life as they are supposedly more creative in finding new solutions for problems that they will later encounter
with
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apply
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. Another indication is that
art
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 is a medium for
children
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 to convey their feelings and thoughts. Considering young
children
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’s limited linguistic knowledge, it would be difficult for them to define all their emotions and intentions using words.
Although
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, they are mostly capable of transferring them through paintings.
For
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this
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 reason, many child psychologists refer to kids’ drawings and paintings in order to analyze their mental processes. Even though
art
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 is essential for
children
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’s development, it should not be taught to the detriment of other
subjects
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. It is necessary for
children
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 to be involved in all sorts of disciplines including mathematics,
linguistic
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linguistics
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 and physical education.
In addition
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, there has to be
balance
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a balance
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 between different
subjects
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 in
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school
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the school
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 curriculum and
art
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 only needs to be taught alongside other
subjects
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. In conclusion,
art
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 is important for
children
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 to express their thoughts and
emotion
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emotions
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 which may be hard to
be said
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say
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 through words
as well
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as
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and
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 it increases students’ creativity.
However
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, it should be considered not to dominate
art
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 over other
subjects
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 and create a balance in
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school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 curriculum.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
While your essay provides a sufficient answer to the task, consider providing more in-depth examples or additional body paragraphs to further elaborate on your points.
task achievement
Maintain clarity and comprehensiveness by breaking complex sentences into shorter, more manageable ones. Ensure each paragraph contains a single main idea and flows logically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you follow a logical progression throughout your essay. Linking words and phrases can help show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could benefit from slightly better structuring. Aim for clear topic sentences and well-defined supportive sentences.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, clearly outlining your main points and stance on the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes key points and reaffirms your stance, leaving a strong final impression.
logical structure
You have a good logical structure in your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in readability.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, indicating a good understanding of the topic. This is especially evident when discussing the role of art in creativity and emotional expression.
relevant specific examples
You effectively use relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of child psychologists analyzing children's drawings, to support your points.
supported main points
Your main points are supported adequately, contributing to the overall coherence of your essay.
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