IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The world of work is rapidly changing and employees cannot depend on having the same work or the same work conditions for life. Discuss the possible causes of these changes and suggest ways to prepare people for work in the future.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
All the present days, many occupations are increasingly changing which leads to an impact on
employees
Use synonyms
 who can not
attracted
Change the verb form
be attracted
attract
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 conditions.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores a variety of
causes
Use synonyms
 and some solutions to assist them in the
future
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technological advancements play a significant role in refusing the job. To illustrate more, many robots inside restaurants exchange with
employees
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, there are secondary
causes
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is as Globalization and increased competition.
For example
Linking Words
, several companies demand some professional experience and academic performance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the community is poor in soft skills and expertise.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are a few
causes
Use synonyms
 of change and solutions for workers to prepare for their
future
Use synonyms
. The primary solution is corporate companies which bring chances for the public people. To demonstrate more, the Secondary students demand to choose their
work
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 past experience . A second criterion for
work
Use synonyms
 is that develops among companies and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a good connection with
employees
Use synonyms
.
thus
Linking Words
 solving their soft skills and adapting to any challenges or facilities that face them in the
future
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are a variety of
causes
Use synonyms
 and
besides
Linking Words
 with solutions to repair the change of
work
Use synonyms
 in the
future
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the balance acquires between the change of
work
Use synonyms
 and
employees
Use synonyms
 to improve their life's
future
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay could be structured more effectively by clearly stating the main points in the introduction and revisiting them in the conclusion. Consider having stronger topic sentences to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, each paragraph should have one clear main idea rather than combining multiple points.
clarity
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, consider developing each point with more detail and specific examples. Try to elaborate on how globalization and technological advancements lead to job insecurity, and provide more concrete steps on how to prepare for future changes in the workplace.
language
You might want to work on the complexity and accuracy of your grammar and vocabulary. For example, ensure subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. This can help to enhance the overall readability of your essay.
examples
The essay would benefit from more precise examples. Currently, the examples provided are somewhat vague and do not adequately explain how globalization and technology impact employment conditions. More specific, real-world examples would strengthen your argument.
task response
Your essay covers a relevant topic with realistic causes and solutions, which reflects a good understanding of the prompt.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your discussion effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • job displacement
  • gig economy
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • job security
  • economic instability
  • industry demands
  • lifelong learning
  • reskilling
  • upskilling
  • soft skills
  • adaptability
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • technological advancements
  • globalization
  • competition
  • employment trends
  • corporate strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: