IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowdays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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International
tourism
Use synonyms
 is increasing day by day in the present time and started to become the biggest industry.
According to
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 some
people
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, it only creates
tension
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 among
people
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 rather than understanding.I agree with the idea that it
increases
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tension
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.
Tourism
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 in the present time is increasing but only international
tourism
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 , not national
tourism
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.International
tourism
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increases
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 the money flows to other countries.
On the other hand
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, national
tourism
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increases
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 the money flows inside the
country
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 provides employment inside the
country
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.
For instance
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,
According to
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 a report, the
Number
Fix capitalization
number
show examples
 of
people
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 increased in the list of international tourists
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 56% more than average
last
Linking Words
 year
while
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 national
tourism
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 has only increased by 2% and unemployment is the same as
last
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 year.So, we can see that it is not benefiting the
country
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 and the pedestrians. Some communities think
, International
Correct your spelling
that international
tourism
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increases
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tension
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 rather than understanding between
people
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 from different cultures.They are quite right because if every individual went on international
trips
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 it would become a standard thing and everyone would try to make
trips
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 to different countries.It will create
tension
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 rather than understanding between communities from different cultures.
For example
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,
According to
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 Frank, who is a psychology professor at Oxford, Individuals who observe other individuals who go on international
trips
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, are 64% more depressed than others because they always
struggles
Change the verb form
struggle
show examples
 to do the same thing.They do not try to learn about their cultures.
Instead
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,they lose motivation. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that individuals can take other
people
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's
trips
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, outside the
country
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 as a reason for depression.
Although
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 they can learn about their culture they don't.

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task achievement
You need to fully develop your points. For instance, the idea that international tourism only creates tension could be supported with more varied examples and deeper explanation.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and contributes to the overall argument. The structure can be improved by better linking your ideas and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should better outline the main points you will discuss in the essay and more effectively state your stance. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and provide a clear ending to your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the report on the number of international tourists and the psychology professor's statement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
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