Nowdays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
International
tourism
is increasing day by day in the present time and started to become the biggest industry.According to
some people
, it only creates tension
among people
rather than understanding.I agree with the idea that it increases
tension
.
Tourism
in the present time is increasing but only international tourism
, not national tourism
.International tourism
increases
the money flows to other countries. On the other hand
, national tourism
increases
the money flows inside the country
that
provides employment inside the Correct pronoun usage
which
country
.For instance
,According to
a report, the Number
of Fix capitalization
number
people
increased in the list of international tourists are
56% more than average Correct subject-verb agreement
is
last
year while
national tourism
has only increased by 2% and unemployment is the same as last
year.So, we can see that it is not benefiting the country
and the pedestrians.
Some communities think, International
Correct your spelling
that international
tourism
increases
tension
rather than understanding between people
from different cultures.They are quite right because if every individual went on international trips
it would become a standard thing and everyone would try to make trips
to different countries.It will create tension
rather than understanding between communities from different cultures.For example
, According to
Frank, who is a psychology professor at Oxford, Individuals who observe other individuals who go on international trips
, are 64% more depressed than others because they always struggles
to do the same thing.They do not try to learn about their cultures.Change the verb form
struggle
Instead
,they lose motivation.
In conclusion, I agree with the idea that individuals can take other people
's trips
, outside the country
as a reason for depression. Although
they can learn about their culture they don't.Submitted by Saad Kamal on
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task achievement
You need to fully develop your points. For instance, the idea that international tourism only creates tension could be supported with more varied examples and deeper explanation.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and contributes to the overall argument. The structure can be improved by better linking your ideas and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should better outline the main points you will discuss in the essay and more effectively state your stance. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and provide a clear ending to your argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the report on the number of international tourists and the psychology professor's statement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is clearly structured with an introduction, body, and conclusion.