IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You play a team sport with some friends. Last week a member of the team had an accident and wasn't able to play with you at the weekend. You decide to write to him in hospital, telling him about the match. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, tell him which team won describe the conditions on the day say how you felt about the match

#team #sport #friends #week #member #accident #wasn #weekend #match #friend #tell #describe #conditions #say
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Dear Asim, I hope
this
 letter finds you in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
radiant health and best of the spirits. I am writing
this
 letter to discuss about final match that you
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not able to attend.
Firstly
, congratulations, we won
this
 match with good scores, 425/47
overs
 and
opponents
Correct article usage
the opponents
show examples
 scored 424/50
overs
. But, they enjoyed our happiness too.
Other
Correct article usage
The other
show examples
team
 won the toss. In the beginning, Rohit and Askhey played well but Rohit did
century
Correct article usage
a century
show examples
10
Change preposition
in 10
show examples
overs
,
whereas
 Askhey did 120
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 11
overs
.
In addition
,
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
 was
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 cloudy and we played with
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 attitude. In the middle of the competition, we faced a critical situation because
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
team
 was crossing and became
more strong
Correct word choice
stronger
show examples
.
However
, with a good strategy, our
team
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 the game. Audiences clapped and enjoyed a lot. But, we you
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 in some stages, because you are the best supporter and player. That time, all realized your actual value because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 your presence, no one
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 a
serious
Change the word
seriously
show examples
. Lucky, with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
practice and your spirits, we are here.
President
Correct article usage
The President
show examples
 of our country prized us with
trophy
Add an article
a trophy
the trophy
show examples
 and gave best wishes. Hope you will better soon, next week our
team
 is coming to visit your home. Let me know
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when you are
feel
Change the form of the verb
feeling
show examples
 good. I hope to see you soon with our
team
. With regards, Ahosk
Submitted by harmandeep51075 on

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task achievement
Try to correct grammatical errors, such as 'you was not able to attend' should be 'you were not able to attend.'
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by grouping related ideas together. For instance, details about the match's progression could be in one paragraph.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriate and friendly, which suits the context of writing to a friend.
task achievement
The letter covers the necessary points: which team won, the conditions on the day, and your feelings about the match.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • speedy recovery
  • outcome of the match
  • key moments
  • weather conditions
  • field conditions
  • challenges faced
  • personal feelings
  • reflections
  • emotions
  • highs and lows
  • team performance
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