IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the question of changing financial support to another type of help
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 poorer
countries
Use synonyms
 from wealthy ones become a field for
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
show examples
, because today's measures are not helping
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 poverty. I, personally, can strongly agree with the idea of replacing existing ways
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more effective strategies in terms of providing
sustanable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 economics
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 and limited
recources
Correct your spelling
resources
. To really improve the current situation the best decision is to make a long-lasting strategy, that will offer a poorer country an
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to become fully independent one day.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a need to find
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 own
resorces
Correct your spelling
resources
, that can help to build
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 economy. It could be minerals, fertile soil or even
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
tourism.
For instance
Linking Words
, OAE was
also
Linking Words
 in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
misery before there was found a local oil field.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is necessary to
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 people how to maintain these resources and send professionals, who could teach them. Another reason to change the way of treatment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those
countries
Use synonyms
 is that sending financial aid is
also
Linking Words
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
giving
Correct article usage
the giving
show examples
 side.
Although
Linking Words
,
another types
Replace the adjective
another type
other types
show examples
 of help could be more expensive,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they are
also
Linking Words
 more productive.
Linking Words
Further more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, in 10 years the country
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be stable and you will not need to send money again.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 great example is Bali, in the
last
Linking Words
 decade
this
Linking Words
 island has decreased the level of poverty through
Correct article usage
a sucessfull
show examples
sucessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
touristic
Replace the word
tourism
show examples
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
. In conclusion, I can't agree with the statement about keeping international politics at the same spot and not providing
another opportunities
Replace the adjective
another opportunity
other opportunities
show examples
 to
fulfilled
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
Correct article usage
the economical
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 starvation of poor
countries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sofakruglova2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position on the issue, it would benefit from a more detailed explanation of how exactly other types of aid (e.g., educational programs, infrastructure development) would work better than financial aid.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more elaborated. The introduction could provide a clearer background of the issue, and the conclusion should summarize the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be improved by using more sophisticated linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider minimizing grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage to improve readability and overall clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase some sentences to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and offers a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the mention of OAE and Bali, helps to illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, each dealing with a specific idea, which contributes to overall coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: