IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #money #poverty #aid
Nowadays, the question of changing financial support to another type of help
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 poorer
countries
 from wealthy ones become a field for
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
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, because today's measures are not helping
for solving
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to solve
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 poverty. I, personally, can strongly agree with the idea of replacing existing ways
to
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with
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 more effective strategies in terms of providing
sustanable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 economics
of
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for
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third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
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countries
 and limited
recources
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resources
. To really improve the current situation the best decision is to make a long-lasting strategy, that will offer a poorer country an
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to become fully independent one day.
Firstly
, there is a need to find
country's
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a country's
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 own
resorces
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resources
, that can help to build
strong
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a strong
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 economy. It could be minerals, fertile soil or even
a
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apply
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tourism.
For instance
, OAE was
also
 in
a
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apply
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misery before there was found a local oil field.
Secondly
, it is necessary to
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 people how to maintain these resources and send professionals, who could teach them. Another reason to change the way of treatment
to
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in
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 those
countries
 is that sending financial aid is
also
 harmful
for
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to
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giving
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the giving
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 side.
Although
,
another types
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another type
other types
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 of help could be more expensive,
but
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apply
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they are
also
 more productive.
Further more
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Furthermore
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, in 10 years the country
would
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will
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 be stable and you will not need to send money again.
The
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A
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 great example is Bali, in the
last
 decade
this
 island has decreased the level of poverty through
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a sucessfull
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sucessfull
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successful
touristic
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tourism
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campaign
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campaigns
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. In conclusion, I can't agree with the statement about keeping international politics at the same spot and not providing
another opportunities
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another opportunity
other opportunities
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 to
fulfilled
Wrong verb form
fulfil
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Correct article usage
the economical
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economical
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economic
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 starvation of poor
countries
.
Submitted by sofakruglova2002 on

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position on the issue, it would benefit from a more detailed explanation of how exactly other types of aid (e.g., educational programs, infrastructure development) would work better than financial aid.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more elaborated. The introduction could provide a clearer background of the issue, and the conclusion should summarize the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay could be improved by using more sophisticated linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider minimizing grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage to improve readability and overall clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Rephrase some sentences to avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and offers a clear stance on the issue.
task achievement
Good use of examples, such as the mention of OAE and Bali, helps to illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, each dealing with a specific idea, which contributes to overall coherence.
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